


Bleach and Bruises

by Goober826



Category: Kill Count, Kill Count (Webcomic)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gen, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Abuse, M/M, MCR, Mental Illness, Multi, Prequel, Recovery, Supernatural - Freeform, Torture, Transphobia, Trauma, basically a canon prequel where I just write abt jack’s recovery after abuse, i’ll tag as i go, surgerys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2020-07-12 09:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19943830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goober826/pseuds/Goober826
Summary: Jack grew up in a living hell- and now everybody knows. He’s going to learn that, sometimes, to make the pain stop, you have to do the most painful thing you could possibly do- let people help you.





	1. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unfortunately dark beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS FIRST CHAPTER IS A VERY, VERY GRAPHIC CHAPTER. ITS SKIPPABLE, I PROMISE YOU. JUST SKIP TO THE NOTE AT THE END. Stay safe!

Jack got home from school, took off his multiple tank tops, and threw on a comfy hoodie. He went on his laptop, messed around on tumblr, until the  _ SLAM  _ of the door caused him to flinch severely. 

Great, fathers home, and he's pissed. 

The booming scream of  _ that name  _ could be heard. 

Fuck, he's pissed at  _ him _ . 

Jack shut his laptop and walked out of his room, already shaking. His legs felt like jelly as he walked down the stairs. He stepped into the living room, biting his lip in apprehension. His father had been waiting. 

“Can you explain to me why I got a call from your debate teacher telling me you're flunking?” 

“Uh, I-I don't know, sir.” Jack replied quietly, biting his lip. Fuck. This is bad. This is very bad. 

“Like fuckin hell you don't!” His father snarled, walking closer. Jack’s heart threatened to crawl out of his mouth. He tried to backup hard enough that he’d go into the floor. Fuck fuck fuck. “You better stop your goddamn lying or i’ll scrub your mouth with soap! Tell me why you're failing!” 

“I-I’m...I-I'm not good at debate, s-sir.” Jack breathed out, trembling more. “I-It’s not my best subject…” 

“Not like I didn't fucking expect this!” Harold spat. “It's a man's job! Your job should be staying home and cleaning and cooking, not fucking working a  _ job! _ It's against nature.” 

“A-actually…” Jack mustered up his will without thinking, his mouth betraying him, and absolute terror running through his veins. “I-I'm b-better at… medical… stuff.” 

“What'd you say?” 

A chill ran down his spine. 

“W-well…!” Jack straightened himself up. “I-I was told by m-my anatomy teacher th-that-a-that I have a lot of potential...a-and I seem to have a natural talent f-fur-for medical stuff, a-and-” 

“Who do you think you fucking are!?” Harold snarled. “I said you have  _ one chance  _ at getting a fucking job! And that  _ one job _ can  _ ONLY be on politics!” _

“I-I know-! I know…I-I just…” 

Jack suddenly felt a flash of white hot pain burst in the side of his cheek, and when he found that his view was now at the wall, he realized he had just been backhanded by his father. 

“OW!” 

“SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DUMB BRAT!” Harold spat, grabbing Jack by the face and forcing the teen to look him in his eyes. His poisonous fingers dug into his cheeks. 

“Y-you're hurting me-”

“You've been through worse; you mouthy bitch!” 

Harold threw Jack to the ground, and glared at him coldly. 

“You're just like your fucking little slut of a mother. She believed in herself  _ so much.  _ But look where she ended up!” 

“DON'T YOU BRING HER INTO THIS!” 

Jack felt a fire light up in his chest as he got up and shoved Harold, tears in his eyes. His father stared in shock for half a second, and then pure anger erupted in his gaze. The fire was quickly extinguished and was replaced with a block of ice weighing inside Jack. Oh fuck. 

Before he knew it, Jack was SLAMMED against the wall and held up, Harolds hands around his neck. The 18 year old began hyperventilating, grabbing at his father’s gigantic hands to no avail. 

“Wait- I-I'm sorry- pleASE-” 

Harold reeled back and punched Jack square in the face, an awful sound bursting from his nose. Cold liquid began to run down Jacks face. 

“You're out of fucking  _ line _ , Jaĉ̸̟͎k̴͈̆̿ͅ.” Harold spat Jacks deadname like it was poison. He once again threw Jack to the ground, and began to walk upstairs towards the bathroom. 

“I'm going to have to teach you a lesson.” 

Absolute fear and panic bubbled up in Jack, and everything seemed to slow down. Before he knew it, he was already sobbing, shaking so hard he could barely stand. No. No no no not again. Please no. 

_ “WAIT!”  _ Jack choked out, stumbling onto his shaky legs and running towards his father, grabbing onto his suit in panic. “PLEASE! P-PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE I CANT...I-I CANT, I CANT HANDLE THAT AGAIN PLEASE DON'T I'LL DO ANYTHING-” 

“Let go of my fucking arm, brat.” 

“PLEASE!!!  _ PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE DON'T!!! PLEASE I'LL LET YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE TO ME JUST NOT THAT!!! YOU CAN BEAT ME UP! O-OR BURN ME, O-OR TOUCH ME! OR TAKE THOSE PICTURES IF ME! O-OR ANYTHING ELSE BUT THE I-ICE BATH, P-PLEASE!!!”  _

Harold whipped around and backhanded Jack once again, causing the unstable teenager to fall to the ground. Jack then felt his neck get grabbed, and himself getting lifted off of the ground. 

Next thing he knew, Jack had been thrown into his room. 

“P-please-” 

“You stay in here until I come get you.” 

“N..nNO-!!” 

Jack ran at the door, but it had been shut and locked on the outside before he reached, causing him to slam into it. He let out a cry and banged his fists on the wood hysterically, sobbing and begging for mercy. His throat started feeling sore. 

Jack turned around and let his back fall against the door, and he slid down to sit, cradling his knees against his chest and running his fingers through his hair. No no no no… 

He could hear the water flowing into the bathtub, the pressure going almost as fast as his heart was beating. He buried his face further into his knees and sobbed harder. 

Memories already were flowing back to him from the familiar sound. 

Cold. Pure cold. Not numb. Painful, freezing coldness that bit at his skin. No air. 

_ I can't breath. I can't breath. I can't breath.  _

His heart pounded. Water attacked water as it filled up the tub. 

_ It's so cold. So cold. So cold.  _

He could hear his father carrying the bag of ice. 

_ I killed mom. I killed mom. I killed mom.  _

He tried to run across his room, grabbing his laptop and bag. 

_ I don't need help. I don't need help. I don't need help.  _

He shoved everything he could into the bag and ran to open his window. 

_ I'm happy. I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm fine.  _

Jack could hear the ice pour into the tub. 

_ I love my dad. I love my dad. I love my dad. _

Jack swung open the window, snow blowing through the wind, and quickly jumped out of it. 

It was a story high, but he didn't break anything this time. He felt the shock absorb into his ankles. 

_ “JAČ̴̺̲K̷̝̂͑!?”  _

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Jack quickly hid in the nearby rose bush, praying to God his father wouldn't notice the breaks in the snow. 

Thorns dug at Jack at every angle, but he ignored the pain, staring up at his window. He saw his father peek out, and then slam his hands on the frame in anger, giving up and shutting the entrance. 

Relief flooded Jack, and he quickly(and painfully) exited the rose bush, now running as fast as he could. 

The cold air heightened his fear, his adrenaline high as it could be as he kept running. He could barely notice the trail of blood in the snow he was leaving behind him. 

...

Jack was lead by his own instincts to Harrison's house. Good. He would've gone there anyways.

He stood on the freezing cold doorstep, trembling more than he was shivering. He shuttered, feeling liquid dribbling onto his lips. When he stuck his tongue out, he realized it was blood. He exhaled shakily again, sniffing, and wincing. He gripped his fingers into his arms so violently that he could almost feel it. God he wished he could. 

He stood there for a solid minute before realizing that he needed to knock for someone to come open it. 

Almost feeling embarrassed, despite the fact that no one was there to see(when you live in his shoes, it always feels like there is). He knocked on the door quickly, and wrapped his arms against each other again. 

The wooden frame creaked open, and he was greeted by a familiar, friendly face. 

“Hello?” Harrison's mom opened the door, her eyes going wide with shock as she saw Jack. “Oh, my!! Sweetie, what happened??” She had already ushered Jack to come inside, setting a hand on his back as she lead the shaking form, and was now yelling for her son. 

“HARRISON!!! Jack’s here!!!” 

Like usual, Harrison bolted down the stairs, grinning and happy to see his friend. However, that joy quickly grew into utter shock and fear the second he realized the state Jack was in. 

“Oh shit- dude...what happened??” He breathed, gently resting a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You look like you were just dropped face first into a blender…” 

Jack didn't respond. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He physically couldn't open his mouth to respond. His throat burned. He just rested his head against Harrison's shoulder, trying the absolute best he could to not lose it right there. Harrison gently rested a hand on Jack's back, and looked at his mom. 

“I'm gonna go take him up to my room. I think he needs to calm down a little bit…” 

“Okay, sweetheart. Just bring a towel with you. His nose doesn't show any sign of stopping…” 

It was true- Jacks nose had been gushing blood for a considerable amount of time. 

Harrison had taken Jack to the kitchen with him, grabbed a dish towel, rinsed it in warm water, rung it out, and gave it to him to put up to his nose. It felt burning hot against his cold skin. Harrison babbled on about how messed up Jack looked at that moment, worried as they then walked upstairs and to his room, where Jack finally allowed himself to crash down. 

He immediately let himself fall into one of Harrison's bean bag chairs, now absolutely sobbing and shaking. Harrison seemed to panic from this sudden emotional outburst. 

“Whoa whoa whoa- Jack…? H-hey, hey it's okay, what happened?” 

Jack continued to sob, to which Harrison patiently sat through, holding his friend close as he attempted again and again to calm down. His throat was clogged with syrup and his eyes were broken fountains. His lungs were small and his shuttered breathing was uncontrollable. All Harrison could do was hold his friend until he stopped. 

  
  


After about ten minutes, Jack finally seemed to be able to breath through his mouth at least, still teary-eyed but no longer panicking. He stared at the ground, still trembling but no longer feeling very connected to the world. 

“Jack,” Harrison began hesitantly. “What happened…?” 

“I-I'm sorry…” 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“I-I'm…” 

“If you can't talk about it, that's okay.” 

“I-I...h-he...it all happened so fast…” Jack curled up into a ball. “H-he...he learned I have an F in Debate, s-so…” Jack shivered. “S-so of course he got mad...at one point, h-he brought up mom, a-and…” Jack grit his teeth, trying not to break down again. “I-I just kinda lost it, Yknow? I yelled at him a-and pushed him, a-and…” Jack realized he had started sobbing again. Goddammit. 

“Hey, I-its Okay…” Harrison breathed gently. Jack took a deep breath. 

“H-he hu-hurt me...T-then h-he said h...he was gonna t-teach m-me a l-lesson...a-and…” Jack swallowed, and shivered when he tasted large amounts of iron. “I-I panicked. I-I begged him n-not to, b-but he was already filling up the t-tub, a-and…” Jack curled up more, shaking like a leaf. His voice was highering in pitch as he struggled to get the words out. “I-I jumped out of my window and hid in the rose bush...a-and then I ran when I knew it was clear...a-and here I am…” 

Harrison stared at Jack with wide eyes, full of pity. He frowned. 

“Oh, Jack…” He sighed. His gaze then hardened. “I'm gonna kill that fucker.” 

“D-don't do anything, p-please…”

Harrison glared at Jack, but then softened his expression, submitting reluctantly and staring at the ground

“Fine.” He growled. He then looked at Jack. “But I  _ am  _ going to clean you up. You're absolutely soaking in both blood and snow…” 

Jack couldn't help but smile slightly. Harrison got up, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around Jack, then turned on his small TV, and popping in a new disc of season 7 of Supernatural in and handing Jack the remote. By now, he knew how to take care of his friend. 

“I'm gonna text Yunlian about the situation so he can come over and we can shower you in love, okay?” He said, now looking at his friend. Jack smiled weakly and nodded. 

“Thank you…” 

  
  
  
  


He was wide awake. Why was he wide awake? 

Soft breathing from his two friends came from the dark room- seeing the two forms huddled together in Harrison’s bed made him envious at their ability to sleep. He looked to the nearest light source. The digital clock read “4 AM”. 

Jack ran his fingers through his hair, dragging in a shaky breath. It had been a long night, yet he was still wide awake. After watching his favorite show, sitting between his two best friends and drinking soda, after all that comfort, he couldn’t rest. He couldn’t feel safe.

Why couldn’t he feel safe? 

Well, because of him, obviously. 

  
  
  


Jack stayed at Harrisons house for a few days. All he could do was pray to god his father would just forget what happened…The two of them were used to not seeing each other for days. 

Not like it would matter. It’s a never ending cycle. Small mistake. Drastic punishment. Mistake. Pain. Being human. Misery. It doesn't fucking stop. It doesn’t. Fucking. Stop. 

One of them has to break the cycle. Just… It needs to end soon. It...

It needs to stop. He can’t imagine it stopping, it’s all he’s ever known, but… 

  
  
  


Jack walked into his house after nearly a week. His chest hurt, and it wasn’t because of the multiple tank tops he was wearing…it was the feeling of uncertainty, grief before there's a reason for it. His organs throbbed with anxiety. 

Then, all the air was knocked out of his lungs. 

  
  


Jack found himself on the ground, ears ringing, and Harold standing over him. He stared at his child in pure fury. He picked the 18 year old up and slammed him against the wall. 

“WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU FOR THE PAST FOUR DAYS!?” 

Jack gagged as his father's thumb pressed into his trecia, shuttering and attempting to escape the iron grasp. 

“I-I can’t b-breathe-” 

Jack let out a cry as he was slammed down to the ground, his lungs struggling to take in any oxygen. He wheezed and spazzed for a second, until he was finally able to inhale.

“You fucking ran away from your goddamn lesson, you BRAT! How terrified of water are you?!” His father boomed. Jack could barely hear him, but with what words he processed, he didn't feel the fear. 

For once in his life, he felt completely immune to what his father was saying. 

“I’m drawing up another fucking bath.” 

Those words rang in Jacks ears. He felt strength grow inside him. This is probably the most dangerous things have gotten between he and his father, yet...he didn’t feel fear. He didn’t feel horror. He felt...numb. Numbness that echoed with hatred. 

He stood up, still shaking. Maybe it was the adrenaline that was causing him to be this way. Maybe he was actually scared, he was just hiding it. 

Yet, he couldn’t find it. 

“No.” He let his voice be loud. He let himself stand his ground. 

“What?” Harolds voice was full of shock at the tone Jack carried. He walked towards his child, curling his fingers into a fist. “What kinda selfish, dense brat are you!?”

Jack swallowed. He was tired of feeling fear. He was tired of expecting the next punishment, reading his father's face to find where his breaking point would be that night. He was tired of walking on eggshells with every little thing he said, and he was tired of being his father's punching bag, his trained mutt. He was tired. God, he was so fucking tired of this monster that raised him. 

Jack took out his phone, flipping it open and texting Harrison. 

  
  


BEAR BOY!!: Did you get home safely?? 

xXBruisedBrokenBoyXx: Call the police.

  
  


“WHAT'RE YOU DOING?! Texting while im fucking talking to you?!” 

Jack glared at his father, closing the device with a snap and tossing it across the room. 

He was tired. He was done. 

He is fucking done. 

Jack reeled back, punching his father directly in the face. 

Harold let out a yelp, reeling back in alarm and putting his hand to his face. He then looked at Jack directly, his lips curling up in a snarl. 

“OH, YOU'RE FUCKING ASKING FOR IT, MISSY!” 

“Ha, Missy, eh?” Jacks laugh was a wheeze, the feeling of pure dread mixed with excitement and joy mixing in his chest. What came over him? “Try Mister.” 

“Mister?” 

“Yup! I...I-h-Im fucking DONE with this...this SHIT. This endless fucking cycle. Walking on eggshells to hide who I actually am from you!” Jack plastered on a sickly grin, now feeling like he was full of too much oxygen. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? What kind of horrible person have I raised? Who the fuck do you think you are?!” 

“My name is Jack Wexler, i’m a gay, transgender male, and I’m fucking tired of my excuse of a father.” 

Harold stared at him in shock, his mouth agape. Before he could respond, Jack lunged at him. Tackling him down. The man slammed onto the ground, his head hitting the tile harshly. Jack reeled back and punched him directly in the face. He punched him again. And again. 

Jack suddenly felt knees collide with his stomach, sending him flying over his father and slamming onto the ground. He coughed and sputtered, trying to recover, but ultimately failed as he was kicked and jumped onto. 

“YOU WANNA BE A GODDAMN QUEER?!” Harold screamed into his face. His ears were practically ringing. “THEN GO FUCKING BE ONE. ILL SEND YOU TO HELL.” 

“ You-” 

“IF I CAN’T HAVE MY FUCKING DAUGHTER-!” Harold boomed. He lifted Jacks trembling and sputtering form by the neck. 

“NO ONE CAN.” 

Jack felt his father's grasp strengthen, his air supply being completely cut off. Jack took this time, as a last resort, to kick his father in the crotch. It worked, his grasp loosening up immediately and letting Jack free, who coughed and coughed, before ultimately vomiting and collapsing. 

He was grabbed by his hair, and then thrown onto the ground far harsher. Before he could recover, a foot collided with his head. Slamming his face back onto the tile, an awful SNAP cracking through the air before everything went silent. 

His ears were ringing, but he could still feel. The back of his hoodie was grabbed, and he was flipped to face upwards. The vibrant and familiar taste of iron filled his mouth and throat. With what vision he had at the moment, he could see his father reel back, punching him directly in the chest. 

All Jack could do was let out a gurgled scream as he felt multiple ribs snap. 

He was lifted up again, forced to stand on his feet. He swayed where he was, before he felt his father directly crash down on him. He instinctively put his arms behind him to catch himself.

Even with what little sound he could hear, nothing was more loud than the snap coming from his arm, and the unwilling scream from his own lungs following it. 

He felt himself black out. And then fade back into reality. Everything was blurry.

The last thing he saw was his father walking back over to him, holding a gun, and preparing to shoot his child.

  
  


Jack became lucid when he heard a loud  _ BANG.  _

His eyes snapped open, expecting to feel a bullet wound, but instead, he saw his father, staggering backwards and blood spilled on the ground. 

The next time he opened his eyes, he saw Harrison, face full of tears and horror. 

He was screaming something, but Jack couldn’t hear it. Only ringing and distant sirens. 

His hearing only faded back when he heard something that would haunt him. 

“YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS. THAT'S MY DAUGHTER. THAT'S MY FUCKING DAUGHTER IT'S MY RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT GETS TO HAPPEN TO HER- ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME?! JAČ̴̺̲K̷̝̂͑!! JAČ̴̺̲K̷̝̂͑ YOU FUCKING MONSTER-!!” 

Harold was being carried away by at least four policemen. Blood dripped from the man’s arm- where a bullet wound rested. 

“I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD- I SWEAR, I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU AS SOON AS I CAN, AND I'LL FUCKING MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE. I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS. DO YOU HEAR ME?! JADE-” 

His hearing faded out again. 

Everything went black. 

  
  
  


Everything that followed in that day was blurry. He remembered waking up in the ambulance, Harrison and Yunlian sitting there, both crying. Harrisons face was buried in his hands. Yunlian was clinging onto Harrison. 

The last thing Jack remembered was doctors surrounding him, being hooked up with an IV and getting set up to get emergency surgery. 

…

Jack woke up in a dark hospital room. Alone. 

He whimpered softly, looking around. There was a dim light on nearby, and what looked like an IV. When he tried to sit up, he hissed in pain, whimpering and laying back down. He recognized the sound of beeping and felt a bit nervous at it. 

He looked to the digital clock in the room. 

_ 4 AM.  _

He shivered, and shut his eyes again. 

His body was floaty, and he felt himself feverishly drift off again. Morphine whispered to him in his sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR: Harold, jacks abusive father, got arrested after trying to kill him.


	2. Kettering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because you'd been abused  
> By the bone that refused you  
> And you hired me  
> To make up for that  
> Walking in that room  
> when you had tubes in your arms,  
> those singing morphine alarms  
> out of tune
> 
> ————
> 
> Jack’s in the hospital- but for once, he isn’t alone.

He woke up to the sound of people talking. 

With a small groan, his eyes opened, and shut again because the light was too bright. He attempted to force them open again, only to whimper and keep them squinting. 

“Well, if it isn’t our little celebrity!” 

Jack winced a bit as he heard the female voice, eyes cloudy as they managed to open a bit more. He tried to speak, but felt himself cough a few times- before exhaling. 

“Who are you?” He didn't recognize _this_ Doctor. Where was the doctor that _usually_ cared for him? The one who could keep his mouth shut when it came to the kid getting hurt by his father all the time? 

“Doctor O'Connor! It’s lovely to meet you while you’re awake! Jack- was it? I’m the one who operated on you yesterday!” The lady became more clear in Jack’s vision. _Did she actually call me Jack?_ He blinked at her, tilting his throbbing head. 

“Operated?” He rasped. “Where?” He was used to waking up after a surgery he didn’t know about. Had his father hired a new doctor? 

“Rib cage! You have some titanium in there, now!” She chirped. “Trust me, it’s cool. You had four snapped ribs, and quite a few bruised ones! I’m hoping those are from the fight, and not unhealthy binding.” 

Jack’s eyebrows went _up._ “Binding?” 

“Don’t think I don’t know, little man,” the doctor smirked at him, setting down a clipboard. “Your friends mom told me about it! You don’t need to worry about any transphobia here, kid.” 

Jack would've felt warm spark in his chest if he could feel it. He smiled semi-softly, before his eyes went wide. 

“What about-!” He shot upwards, and let out a gag-noise as he felt pain erupt in his chest. 

“Hey-! Stay laying down!” His doctor scolded. Jack groaned. 

“What about my father?” 

The doctors gaze softened, and she looked to the ground. 

“Well, you don’t need to worry about him,” her eyes flickered briefly to the heart rate showing on Jack’s screen as it sped up. “He’s rotting in prison at the moment, and you won’t have to be there during trial. They have all the evidence they need to close this case.” 

“R-“ Jack’s eyes stretched wide as he blinked at her. “...Really?” 

She looked at him with a gaze full of pity- but smiled, nodding. 

“Yes. Of course, hun.” She nodded. She sorted some papers on her clipboard before adjusting her glasses and smiling. “Would you like me to tell your friends that you’re awake? I’m sure they’re already on their way over to see you!” 

“See me?” He's never had... _friends_ visit him in the hospital before. _Is that gonna be embarrassing?_

“Of course!” The Doctor chirped, smiling. “They BEGGED me to let them see you last night, but it was late, and you had just gotten out of surgery and seemed out for the night, so I had to turn them away with a promise that you’d be awake for them tomorrow!” 

“...alright.” Jack played with his hand a bit- realizing that his other hand was immobilized. He looked to it- and saw it was heavily bandaged- not even the fingers were showing. 

“Oh- right! You have a very broken arm there, friend!” The doctor said slowly and more nervously. “Nothing too alarming! Just...something you’ll need surgery for real soon- if...that’s okay with you.” 

Jack exhaled slowly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. 

“Will I be awake for it?” 

“Unfortunately- yes, but you won’t f-“ 

“No- I know the drill, it’s happened before. Alright. That’s fine.” He sighed out- gesturing with his good hand and then plopping it by his side again- defeated...before going back and feeling his nose again. There were bandages. He also just realized he had been breathing through his mouth this whole time. “Is my nose broken?” 

“Yes.” 

“Fantastic.” Once again, he flopped his hand down in defeat. _Another surgery for me._ He looked to his nightstand. He swallowed roughly- suddenly feeling a bit flustered. “...um...thank you, though. For the help.” 

“You can thank me when you’re all healed up, little man!” The doctor smirked at him- walking out of the room. 

Jack was broken in multiple ways- in fact, this is probably the most beat up he’s been...yet he felt a small tug of joy at his heart. 

_She called me little man._

…

“Jack!” 

Loud footsteps and an excited voice notified Jack of his friends arrivals- Harrison bolting into the room and skidding to a halt by the bed- almost crashing into the oxygen tank connected to him. The larger boy smiled, practically bouncing in place- and the taller, darker Yunlian showed up next to him a few seconds later- obviously not running into the room like his boyfriend. 

Jack couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed by this. 

“You’re awake!” Harrison bounced in place a bit- a big, dumb grin on his face. “I knew you’d be okay! Didn’t I, Yun?” He elbowed his boyfriend- who scoffed and elbowed him back. 

“You say that like I did not.” Yunlian spoke in his slowly improving English, a smile on his face as well. “He’s the unkillable kid. Of course he’d be okay.”

Jack stared at the two of them- eyes round and...touched. _They give a shit about me._

“How’re you feelin, Buddy?” Harrison asked softly, smiling at him. Jack looked at him, and then to the wall awkwardly. 

“Like utter garbage.” He rasped. 

“Well-! That’ll happen!” Announced another voice. Jack strained to see- but Ms. Morris was stumbling in carrying what looked like flowers, a box, some balloons, and cards. She cracked a smirk- though it was laced with a passive aggressive tone. “Really, boys? You’re just gonna run on ahead and let the old lady carry all this, huh?” 

“Sorry Ms. Morris!” Yunlian shouted, running over. 

“Sorry, mom!” Harrison agreed, immediately running over and grabbing the box and flowers from her- carrying them with his big tough arms. 

The boy lugged them over to Jack’s nightstand- placing them all down as Yunlian walked over with the cards and balloons. He seemed to furrow his brows a bit, and started to organize the display. 

Ms. Morris, meanwhile, huffed and wiped her hands on her jeans, laughing a bit and smiling at Jack. 

“Hey, kiddo. How’re you?” 

Jack smiled weakly at her. 

“Peachy…” he rasped out bitterly. She chuckled and walked over to the other side of his hospital bed- while on the previous side, Harrison and Yunlian has started play-shoving each other around over a disagreement on the nightstand arrangement. 

“I know, sweetie. It’s all tough, isn’t it.” Ms. Morris sighed, smiling as she pulled up a chair for her to sit on. She grabbed at Jack’s hospital bed remote, and looked at him. “Mind if I help you sit up?” 

“Not at all.” Jack shrugged. 

The bed slowly lifted forwards- jack couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed about how slow it was, but eventually it was forward enough. His ribs didn’t hurt this time, either. _Well, obviously. My muscles aren’t doing the work by straining on the broken goddamn ribs._ He softly analysed to himself. 

“One of you, hand me the present.” Ms. Morris gestured across the bed with her hand. Both Harrison and Yunlian went for the box- Yunlian grabbing it first with a laugh, and then handing it to Ms. Morris, who set it on Jack’s lap. 

“It’s for you- from each of us.” 

Jack felt like cotton had just filled his lungs. _They...got me something?_ He was only just now realizing all this stuff was probably for him. He felt his face heat up- cheeks going red as his hand hovered over the box. _Why?_

“Go ahead, open it!” Harrison encouraged. Jack felt himself get really flustered. _Is this a trick? No...why are they being so nice to me?_ He looked to the ribbon and untied it swiftly with his working hand. 

Once the ribbons softly fell from the box, Jack tucked his thumb under the lid and lifted upwards. 

In the box was a few small things. He picked up the first thing that caught his eye- a cute little stuffed doll- a little man with short hair, blue button eyes, a trench coat, a blue tie, and little black angel wings. 

“Harrison actually made the sewing pattern for that little guy- I just sewed it while in the waiting room and once we got back home cause none of us could sleep.” Ms. Morris laughed a bit. “He says it’s supposed to be your favorite character from that one show you three watch- spn or whatever.” 

“Y...yeah...Cas…” Jack rasped out, feeling himself get emotional. “I love it…” 

Ms. Morris gave him a knowing smile- well aware that he was far more touched and happy about the stuffed doll than he could ever actually express openly. She just nodded. 

“I’m glad you do.” 

“Go through the rest of it!” Harrison chanted, bouncing again. Jack gently set down the doll, laughing a bit and digging through the box. 

“Okay, Fine.” He chuckled. He took out a small, flat book- and a pack of colorful pens. He felt himself inhale softly in excitement as he flipped through the pages of the book- seeing them all blank. 

“It’s a sketchbook!” Yunlian exclaimed, pointing to it. “And some pens! I would have gotten those very expensive markers- but they were...expensive.” He laughed. 

“Are you kidding, microns are really good- they’re amazing for lineart or just sketches-“ Jack laughed a bit. “I- thank you-“ he added. Yunlian gave a thumbs up in return. 

“Of course, Kotenok.” 

“JaaAAACK!” Harrison was obviously getting impatient- so Jack laughed again and dug through the box. 

“Okay, okay!” He snorted. “I only have one hand here, dude!” He grabbed through the box, and took out a T-shirt. He attempted to hold it up by the shirt collar to see the design on it- however this failed when he, again, only had one arm to hold it up. 

“Here, lemme just-“ Harrison grabbed it, holding it up by the shoulders of it and showing Jack the design. 

It was a blue shirt- but in pink letters it read “MCR” on it. Jack blinked, and let out a small laugh of excitement. 

“Holy shit, I adore this,” he chuckled, grabbing at the hem of it and staring at it. Harrison laughed triumphantly and grinned. 

“I knew you would!” He announced proudly- setting his hands on his hips after letting Jack take the shirt. 

Jack looked at the gifts from these three- just these three, and felt himself grow emotional again. His chest swelled and his tongue burned. They were all looking at him. He had to say something. 

“I...don’t understand.” He struggled to get the words out. “...why?” 

“Why what?” Harrison asked, smiling in a confused fashion and tilting his head. 

“Why are you being…” he gently rubbed his thumb over the little fabric head of the doll, eyes focused on it to avoid seeing their faces. “...so nice to me?” 

There was silence for a bit. Ms. Morris sighed softly

“Because we love you,” she stated. “And when family loves you, they like to show it. Especially if the person they love needs it more than ever.” 

Jack stared at her, speechless. He slowly looked to the presents- the custom plushie, the sketchbook and pens, and the shirt...they all did this in such a short span of time, and they all looked so...tired. 

He couldn’t help but notice Yunlian’s lack of makeup and unbrushed hair- or Harrison’s eyebags and the same clothes from yesterday- hell, Ms. Morris even had eyebags as well. They had been worried about him. They gave a shit. 

Jack let his fingers rub at the fabric in his hand, staring at the shirt and avoiding eye contact. He blinked a few times, feeling his eyes tear up. He was scared of them seeing it. He didn’t want them to see him cry. 

“Th…” his voice croaked a bit. He hated when his body betrayed him like that. “Thank you…” 

His voice was barely more than a whisper. 

“Of course, man.” Harrison grinned at his friend, expression laced with pity. 

“It’s nothing, friend.” Yunlian added. 

Ms. Morris responded with a simple smile, getting up from her chair and walking towards the entrance of the room. 

“I’ll go on down to the cafeteria- grab us some food, okay?” She set her hand in the doorframe. “You boys catch up.” 

And with that, she exited out of the room. 

…

“So you punched him good?” Harrison’s fork clicked at his dish as he scooped up more corn, eating it while listening to Jack intently. Yunlian has the same amount of focus, head tilted slightly as he chewed at his food. 

“Um...yeah, I-I guess…” Jack replied softly, still sitting up in his bed. There was a dinner tray in front of him- a plate with pizza and jello on it, untouched. Ms. Morris had left to go run some errands after dropping off food- however it was obvious she still wanted her boys to bond privately. 

“I mean, that’s impressive, is it not?” Yunlian asked, wiping his mouth a bit and grinning at Jack. “And also amazing. How did it feel being able to finally hit him?” 

Jack stared at his plate, feeling a small section of his blood go cold. 

“...I dunno.” He finally answered. He felt...sick thinking about everything that happened. He felt...wrong. Disgusting. He thought about his fists slamming against the sinful skin of his father- only for it to follow up with how he was easily taken over and beaten to near death. It didn’t feel like a victory at all. “...scary, I guess.” 

“Yeah- but he deserved it! And you did it! Isn’t that awesome?” Harrison laughed a bit. Jack felt his heart tug. He hated the idea of being violent. Thinking about his father’s disgusting skin and hands grabbing at him and hurting him- and fighting back, he felt like he took in some of his darkness for a small second...maybe it was still hiding. What if he stays that violent? What if getting away from his father had cursed him forever? Cursed each new person he ran to- and made them eventually grow abusive as well? He felt himself grow sick at the idea of Harrison and Yunlian trying to kill him. And...even worse… What if _he himself_ was cursed to be abusive?

“Jack?” Yunlian spoke up suddenly. “Kotenok? You okay?” 

Jack’s eyes snapped back up, and darted between his two friends. 

“Mmhmm- Yup-“ Jack nodded, trying to look more alert and attentive. 

“You realize you have food, right?” Harrison eyed him suspiciously- noticing the boy had yet to even touch his food. Jack’s fingers drummed against the dinner tray. 

“Uuh-“ Jack focused for a second. “I’m...not hungry. Anesthesia can shut down digestive systems for a short period of time sometimes.” He explained quickly. He absolutely wasn’t hungry- but it wasn’t because of anesthesia. 

“...okay. Eat later though, okay?” Harrison smiled weakly. Jack nodded, trying to force a smile. Harrison kept staring, gaze softening. “We don’t have to talk about what happened, if you want…”

Jack stared at his food, until flinching when he heard something large be dropped from the other room. The sound of a gunshot flickered in his mind, and soon the sight of his father with a bullet hole in his shoulder. 

“...was my father shot?” He felt the words slip out of his mouth. Harrison and Yunlian shared a concerned expression. 

“...ah...y-yes, Kotenok...he was.” Yunlian sheepishly spoke up, tapping at the plate in his lap anxiously. 

When Jack didn’t respond- and kept looking at them, Harrison exhaled. 

“He was found with a gun the second the police arrived,” he explained softly. “He… isn’t dead. I-I think they treated him at the prison, actually… they didn’t… want him in a hospital like you.” 

“We think for sure he’s getting a life sentence, so...no worries.” Yunlian nodded, concern gracing his angular face. 

Jack stopped tapping at his table when he realized something. 

“...where am I supposed to go from here?” He rasped softly. The two friends furrowed their brows. 

“Ma and I already talked it out- you’re more than welcome to stay with us.” Harrison confided. “For the rest of the school year, at least. Honestly moms just gonna pressure you into it if you decline.” 

Jack blinked. _They want me to live with them?_

_But I’ll break everything._

_I’ll be disgusting._

_I’ll ruin everything._

_I’ll say stupid things._

_I’ll mess up._

_Why the hell would they want me?_

_I’ll fuck up._

_I’ll fuck up._

_I’ll-_

“Jack?” Once again, Yunlian’s voice shook him out of it. He just realized he had teared up. 

“...you sure?” Jack’s voice was brittle. His head hurt from trying not to let the tears fall out. 

“Of course, man.” Harrison smiled. 

Jack felt warmth in his chest, and a tear roll down his cheek. 

  
  



	3. Inexperienced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack struggles to step out of his comfort zone.

Two days had passed- yesterday jack had gone back into surgery for his arm- which he was awake for. He simply played music in his handphones and shut his eyes the whole time, not really thinking about what was going on there. He already knew what would happen- they were to pop the bone in place and solidify it with a slab of titanium. It took about three mcr albums for the surgery to finish. 

And here he was, sitting in the hospital room again, watching whatever the hell was on tv...nothing he was interested in, for sure. 

He felt his phone buzz. He perked up, and flipped it open, tilting his head.

He had received a text from...an...acquaintance? Evelyn McAllen- her and her twin sister, Ella, have been close friends with Harrison and Yunlian for years, but Jack had always been too...shy to speak up around them- even when they included him. The twins, along with a boy named Avery Byrd were the only people who knew he was trans- and that was because Harrison assured him that they’d keep it a secret. 

**Evelyn A.:** Hey, Jack! I know you probably don’t have your laptop in the hospital room- hence why you haven’t been responding to the Skype group chat- but we’ve been talking and Ella and I would like to visit you! If that’s okay- at least. Please let me know soon! Literally any time is cool. 

Jack felt his heart race. _They care about me?_ Was his first thought. _Oh god, they want to visit…_ was his second thought. He...wanted to be close to them, but he was scared, and...god, it was all just terrifying. 

He inhaled softly, and texted with his one available hand. 

**ME:** Yeah, sure. Any time is good if you want. 

**Evelyn A.:** Great! We’re on our way. :) 

Jack’s heart dropped. 

_Well not RIGHT away!_

But it was too late, wasn’t it? 

He gripped at the hems of the hospital beds blanket with anxiety, looking at his phone, and then finally flipping it shut and exhaling. He ran his fingers through his hair. _God, I wish I could communicate with people._

He bit his lip for a second, sighed, and then flipped back open his phone. 

**ME:** Evelyn and Ella are coming over to the hospital room right now and I DONT know what to do help 

**HARRISON:** What? 

**ME:** HELP 

**HARRISON:** It’s just Evelyn and Ella! They’re cool dw 

**ME:** OKAY BUT EVELYN IS SCARY AND ELLA IS SO SWEET THAT SHE MAKES ME FEEL ANXIOUS 

**HARRISON:** dude you are WAY over thinking this 

**ME:** IM GONNA DIE 

**HARRISON:** Jesus you’re more nervous about this than you are the arm surgery 

**ME:** AAAAAAAAA

**HARRISON:** You’ll be fine!!! 

**ME:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jack closed the phone, exhaling and slamming his fist into the side of the bed. His heart rate on the monitor had gone up tremendously- and he felt like melting into the floor. _I’m gonna fucking die!!! That’s just it! I’m gonna die!_

  
  


Not much more than twenty more minutes passed by when they finally showed up. 

Jack felt his air catch in his throat, and he pressed the remote on his hospital bed to sit him forwards as he watched them come into the room(laying down felt too pathetic). 

Evelyn and Ella walked in- Evelyn with her normal resting-bitch-face, and Ella with a smile, reassuring smile. Behind them trailed someone Jack had only met maybe once or twice before- a 15 year old Freshmen named Pam. 

Pam was the adopted little sister of the twins- but she seemed to look up to Evelyn a lot, carrying a lot of the same raw and ready-to-fight energy her older sister had. She was wearing a skirt, silly bands, and an mcr shirt- Jack would’ve had to keep himself from snorting in amusement if he wasn’t so anxious already. 

“Hey, Jack!” Evelyn boasted more than greeted. She smirked, leaning against the hospital bed stand. “Sorry for bringing the runt- she begged us to come with and Dad made us bring her.” 

“I’m not a runt!” Pam barked in return, stomping her foot. “I’m average size for my age!” 

“But you haven’t grown an inch in years,” Evelyn surmised in response, a sly grin still on her face. 

“Anyways,” Ella intercepted the two of them, a softer smile on her face. She was wearing one of her turtlenecks again, a soft blue. Her frizzy hair seemed to fall in her face in a softer and more gentle way than her twins cornrows. _Amazing how they could look identical, yet almost opposite from each other at the same time._

“We’ve missed you at school, Jack.” Ella continued- Jack snapping out of what he was thinking about. The artist in him wanted to get back to sketching like he was a few hours previous. 

“Uh- y-yeah! Yeah I- well I can’t say I miss school, haha…” Jack gave an awkward grin, running his fingers through his hair absentmindedly. “But- but I’ve missed- uh- a-all of you, haha…”

“Yeah!” Ella smiled. 

“Wait- hold on. We got stuff.” Evelyn dug around in her pocket, and held out a fist- something in her hand. “Hold out your hand- I promise I’m not gonna flip you off.” 

“Um- okay…” Jack replied reluctantly, holding his good hand out. Evelyn’s finders unfolded, and a rubber bracelet flopped onto Jack’s palm. 

He twirled it in his fingers and squinted, getting a good look at it. 

An mcr bracelet. 

“It was one of mine, but I thought you’d like it.” Evelyn smirked. 

“I-I do- uh-“ before Jack could finish, a small, fluffy face of a stuffed kitten was put in his line of vision. 

“I actually got this little guy in a garage sale on the way here-“ Ella spoke from behind the plush animals face. It was a soft, pastel blue, and had a darker blue ribbon on it. “I- I thought it was really cute and that you might like it, cause you like animals.” 

Jack gently took the stuffed animal, and looked between it and the bracelet. He found his heart melting again. 

“I do- I-I like both of them, a lot…” he rasped softly, a small smile on his face. What was he supposed to say? 

“I didn’t get you anything cause I don’t know you- but I can give ya a silly band!” Pam announced from the foot of the hospital bed. Evelyn and Ella looked at her in sinc. 

“Pam- go get a coffee for me from the vending machine.” Evelyn gave an exasperated order to her younger sister. 

“No! I’m not your slave!” 

“I’ll let you keep a dollar.” 

“DEAL!” Pam stomped over, holding her hand out- to which Evelyn placed two dollars in her palm. The younger sibling gave a joyous grin that almost seemed laced with evil- and she bolted out of the room. 

“That takes care of that.” Ella gently laughed. 

They sat there for a second as a beat of silence went by. 

“So...how are finals going?” Jack forced himself to speak up. 

“Ugh- _hell!”_ Evelyn groaned, leaning her head back dramatically as she crossed her arms. “Dude debate sucks ASS right now. I nearly got sent to the principals the other day.” 

“F-for what?” Jack gave a shocked laugh. 

“She tried to punch a dude.” Ella answered before her sister could reply, rolling her eyes. 

“He was asking for it!” Evelyn stood up, somehow already irate. “This asshole tried to start a debate in class about whether or not Harold Fuckin Wexler should’ve been arrested or not!” 

That hit Jack like a ton of bricks. 

He felt his heart sink and turn to ice at the bottom of his gut. His throat every so slightly caught on fire- as if it were becoming inflamed so he would be unable to speak. 

“Evelyn-“ Ella exhaled- and Evelyn then gave Jack a guilty look- realizing she had just screamed his father’s name with no warning. 

A beat went by. 

“...Sorry,” Evelyn apologized, now looking at the ground. Jack felt his heart pound. _Kids are talking about my father’s arrest at school?_

_Of course they are. It’s the fucking governer._

“It was shut down pretty quickly by Mrs. Goldstein,” Ella began softly. “Nothing really...bad happened.” 

_If you consider nothing bad being someone thinks the man who tried to kill you was in the right, then go right ahead!_

There was another beat of silence, and Jack hadn’t realized he forgot to respond as he played with the hem of his hospital blanket, stuffed cat and mcr bracelet in his hand. 

“Jack,” Evelyn began, exhaling softly. “...why didn’t you tell us?” 

Jack felt his body freeze at that. He swallowed roughly, working up the courage to even move. 

“Tell you what?” 

“That your father…” Evelyn stomped her foot a bit- and her voice wavered. She was mad, obviously- but there was a hint of grief. “That your father was...so awful?” 

Jack felt like a white-hot, 1000 ton anvil was weighing on his chest. He grit his teeth, inhaling a few times before trying to respond. 

“Um…” he avoided eye contact. “...I just...didn’t...want to be a burden-“

“Bullshit!” Evelyn fumed, stomping and this time whipping around to look at Jack. “Are you kidding me!? All this time I’ve been venting in the Skype group chat about my parents lecturing me about a _school complaint!_ And you’re here with WAY worse parental problems! Even AVERY sometimes fucking vents there about his neglectful parents- but you’re out here getting sent to the hospital left and right! Why didn’t I trust fucking my suspicions when you’d show up every day with a new bruise!? Why didn’t I _know_ something was wrong when you were too scared to talk to ANYBODY! Jack I-!” 

She stopped, trailing off, and her irate additude soon sizzled to a more guilty and gentle demeanor. 

“Jack?” Ella whispered. 

Jack realized he had started crying. 

“I don’t-“ he blinked- hot tears pressing in his eyelashes and dropping from his chin as he looked at the wall ahead of him. “I don’t...I didn’t...I was scared-“ he licked at the roof of his mouth as he looked to the blanket on his lap- the plushie and the wristband. “I was afraid.” He lamented more solidly. 

He wasn’t looking at them, but he could tell Ella was slowly walking closer. He looked up at her, and she stared at him with eyes full of pity, before gently stretching open her arms. Jack took a second to render that she was offering a hug. 

He sniffed, and held open his good arm- and Ella softly and gently hugged him. She smelled nice. 

Evelyn shifted her way over, and gently wrapped an arm across Jack’s shoulders. 

He had never been even slightly this...intimate with them before. It felt...nice. Liking them was strangely easy. 

“I’m sorry, dude.” Evelyn croaked in a soft tone. “I just- we all really care about you, yknow?” 

It still felt so unreal to hear people say that to him. A small part of him wanted to test that theory over and over, but he knew that wasn’t a morally good thing to do- testing people’s love. He knew first hand it wasn’t a good idea. 

So, maybe he just had to trust them. Just a tiny bit. 

“Th-thank you.” Jack said in a small voice. 

It felt like a good minute until the two of them pulled away(almost in sinc). Like clockwork, Pam rounded the corner and trotted on into the room, holding a cup of coffee. 

“Here ya go, Dickweed.” The freshmen snorted, shoving the cup into Evelyn’s hand. 

“Careful with cussing-“ Evelyn’s voice portrayed no sense of actual care in it- in fact her mouth was on the cup before she could finish the sentence. Pam turned to look at Jack. 

“So you want a silly band?” She put her hands on her hips. Jack couldn’t help but chuckle tiredly. 

“You don’t have to give me anything, Pam.” He has to double check his memory to make sure he was getting her name right. 

“But I want to.” Pam strutted over to the side of the hospital bed, going through the rubber bands on her arm. “What’s your favorite animal? I _assure_ you I have it.” 

“Um- tiger?” 

With that, Pam hooked one of her bracelets with her thumb and tugged it off her arm, and presented it- it was, indeed, the shape of a tiger. 

“You don’t have to,” Jack stated again. It’s not like he didn’t _want_ it because it cool as fuck, but he felt bad. 

“No it’s already off my hand. Oh look. It’s yours.” She grabbed his hand and unfolded his fingers from his palm, and smushed the rubber accessory into his hand. Jack laughed. 

“Well, thank you. I adore it.” He gave a bit of a geeky grin as he awkwardly tried to tug it on with one hand and his mouth. 

“Thought you would.” Pam declared, crossing her arms and smirking. Ignoring Evelyn and Ella laughing from the other side of the room- she perked up, noticing the sketchbook and pencils by his bedside. “Oh! Do you draw?” 

“Ah- y-yeah.” Jack ran his fingers through his hair. “Um- I’ve obviously been...busy, so I haven’t drawn too much.” 

“Can I see?”

“Uh-“ Jack’s eyebrows went up. “If...you want, b-but there’s like. Gore and stuff there.” 

“Nah, gore is cool.” Pam flipped open the sketchbook, eyes darting back and forth as she looked through it. 

“Yeah, Jack’s great at art,” Evelyn shrugged. “He doodles in his notes sometimes.” 

“Woah…” Pam stared at some of Jack’s more structured anatomy pieces. “These are so good-!” She looked at Jack. “You like mcr and supernatural too!?”

“Oh my fucking g-“ Evelyn rested her face in her palm. Jack laughed. 

“Y-yeah,” his voice cracked a bit. “Um, they’re cool.” 

“That’s cool!” Pam declared. “You’re a good artist! I wanna be an artist- but I mostly want to be a nurse when I’m older, so art is just a hobby.” 

“Well, what a coincidence!” Jack huffed, smiling a bit. 

“Why? Because we're in a hospital?” Pam squinted a bit. 

“I- no. Because I wanna be a surgeon.” Jack exhaled, laughing softly and awkwardly. _Note to self- stop attempting to be more clever with communication._ “I just like art a lot- heh. They can kinda walk hand-in-hand if you do it right.” 

“YOU'RE RIGHT!” Pams eyes widened, mouth agape in amazement. “That’s really cool! Can you teach me to draw better?” 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Ella exhaled, smiling. “We can’t keep bothering him.” 

“Uh- I’ll teach you when I’m not in a hospital- I guess!” Jack laughed a bit as the three sisters started to pile out of the room. “Bye!” 

“Bye, Jack!” Evelyn smirked. “Text back when you can!” 

“Bye!” Ella chirped as well. 

“See ya!” Pam threw up her fists, smirking as she was dragged away. 

Jack smiled a bit. He felt...awkward, but that was a nice interaction...maybe they all could become closer friends. 

Maybe he didn’t have to hide so much now. 

He felt his breathing get a bit shaky. He didn’t like being alone with his thoughts


	4. Bleach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack tries to readjust to a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter gets a bit graphic and has a lot of suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> Other than that, I’m actually really, really proud of this chapter.

Jack sat in the back seat of the mini-van, Harrison sitting right next to him. Upfront, in the driver’s seat, was Ms. Morris. The sway of the car, the engine, and the cheesy advertisements from the radio were just barely keeping him grounded. 

Around a week has passed in the hospital- and he was finally released to go after a quick nasal surgery. Harrison and Ms. Morris had been kind enough to find the stuff he wanted from his old house. Not to mention the latter had been kind enough to buy him an iPhone when he gave her the money to go buy one for him- the lady was now softly tapping at her steering wheel with her colorful nails. 

“You know, Jack, we bought some bleach and hair dye for you and Harrison to mess around with when we get home!” Her pleasant, welcoming voice chimed in suddenly- Jack had been scratching at his seatbelt and counting each time they passed a bush, so he felt a little torn from what he was doing when her voice interrupted it. “Doesn’t that sound fun?” 

“C...c-can’t toxic fumes be bad for oxygen intake through a broken nose?” Jack slurred out, looking at her with cautious eyes. _Alert. Always stay alert. Don’t trust a thing._

“The doctor said we can do it, don’t worry!” Harrison laughed, grinning at Jack. “You’ve been in the hospital for a _week._ You like medical things, isn’t that in itself a bit drastic?” 

“I got multiple surgeries.” 

“Most of which were done in the span of two days.” 

“They were emergency, though. They’d want to keep me awhile to make sure nothing bad happened or to make sure I’m not allergic or unable to intake some of the medications or procedures.” 

“But nothing bad happened! You’re perfectly fine, not to mention the surgeries weren’t even that extreme. You were awake for the arm one!” 

“Yeah…” Jack gripped at his cast a bit, tapping his fingers along where Harrison and Yunlian had signed it. _It will leave a large scar._ The doctor had told him. _The hand might not function very well once it heals._ He shut his eyes for a second. _Always alert. Stay awake. Don’t let them catch you._

There was silence in the car for a bit, until Ms. Morris spoke again. 

“Feel free to do whatever you’re comfortable with, Jack.” She smiled. “We want you to feel welcomed, okay? You’ve always been welcome here and nothing has changed that.” 

_Nothing._ Jack thought, digging his nails into his cast and gritting his teeth. _Nothing? What about all my luggage in the trunk? What about the fact that I’m moving in instead of just staying the night? I’m a handful. I’ll always be a fucking handful. One day you’re going to start beating the shit out of me, too._ He shuttered a bit. “Okay.” _Always watching. Their gaze is on your back- hungry and ready to pounce._

He felt a warm hand touch at him slightly- jolting him and making him flinch. He turned- wide-eyed, and saw Harrison, eyes wide with concern. He gently took hold of Jack’s hand and held it. 

“You’ll be okay.” He muttered. “You’ll be fine.” 

Jack shivered. 

...

“You’re right, this stuff IS kinda smelly!” 

Harrison was in the kitchen with Jack- a mirror set up in there for them. Jack was avoiding looking at it all he could, instead fidgeting with an empty bottle of bleach- the content of it poured all over Harrison’s head. 

“Why blond?” Jack finally asked, clicking and unclicking the cap of the bottle. Harrison laughed a bit. 

“I think it’s cool!” 

“You’re gonna look like Hannah Montana.” 

Harrison made a gasp in fake offense, to which Jack actually chuckled at a bit. 

Harrison finished rubbing in all the bleach, and now put saran wrap around his head- much like a swimmers cap. He looked at Jack with a shit-eating grin. 

“This’ll be so cool.” 

Jack gave him a nervous smile in return, and Harrison walked over to him. 

“Want me to bleach a small section of your hair?” 

Jack stared at the ground for a little bit. 

“It won’t last long.” Harrison added, giving an optimistic style. “Come on, You’ll look like a cool scene kid.” 

Jack laughed a bit at that, and shrugged. 

“Sure, whatever, go wild, fashionista.” 

With that, Jack flipped his hair over the back of his chair, and Harrison got to work parting a small section in the front and pasting bleach on it. Jack sat still for the most part, except for when he grabbed his new phone and took a picture- the only time he really dared to look in the mirror. 

He was kinda glad the flash made it hard to see what they were doing, it gave it a cool look. And obscured his face. 

He sent it to the group chat. 

**xXRussianxRouletteXx** : ASS HOLES!! You’re dying without me!? >:0 

**XQueenBX** : I think you forgot to put some important words there, Yun. 

**xXRussianxRouletteXx:** Shut up I’m trying 

**~ButterflyxBirdy~:** Oh I’m glad you two are having fun!!! 

**xXBruisedBrokenBoyXx:** He pressured me into it. He also can’t type right now but Harrison says he’s having a good time. 

Jack smiled at the group chat- he found himself slowly trying to talk to their group chat more often- but he still mostly talked to Yunlian and Harrison. Everyone else made him so...anxious. _Don’t trust. Don’t let people in. Stay alert._

Jack felt a different tugging at his hair, and realized Harrison had wrapped the section up with Saran Wrap. 

“Aaaand done! Now we wait for a little bit.” Harrison chirped, smiling that big, goofy grin. 

“Cool.” Jack grinned, tapping at his phone and scrolling through tumblr. 

Harrison looked at him, and smiled. 

“You’ll look really cool! Trust me.” He smirked. 

Jack tapped at the bleach bottle more. The toxic smell wasn’t unpleasant, it was...just...alien. It smelled important- sharp, loud. Like it needed to be heard. Screaming. _I mean something. I mean something why can’t you hear that!? Love me! Love me for Christ’s sake! I’m not controversial as you think- I’m not something to be picked apart for political reasons! I’m a human being! Why can’t you hear me!?_

“Jack?” 

Jack flinched at what felt like a sudden, loud voice- but it turns out he’s just sensitive to everything he hears. He’s just too quiet. His mind was so loud but it didn’t expect to be interrupted. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you okay?” 

Jack stared at the ground. He felt himself shiver. 

_One week since someone’s hit me. One week since I’ve been threatened. One week. How much longer? How much longer do I have to wait until I’m hurt again?_

“I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure? 

“Yeah.”

…

“See! I told you!” Harrison laughed. “It washes right out!” 

“This is ridiculous.” Jack rolled his eyes. 

He was currently wearing a plastic bag over his arm- and wearing a bathing suit. Harrison was doing the same. Oh- and they were in the shower. 

He felt really glad that it was a standing shower. A bathtub right now would make him puke. 

“We have to wash the bleach out somehow!” 

“But showering together? It’s not like we’re six. We’re eighteen.” Jack hasn’t actually grown up with friends when he was little, he just learned by word of mouth that that was a common experience. 

“It’s not like you haven’t walked in on me _or_ Yunlian before.” Harrison laughed. 

“Shut up.” Jack smirked, twisting more of the bleach out of his hair. The showers pressure was very high- the head of it wide-brimmed. He was grateful for it. It had a higher-pitch than the sound of a bath running. 

The thought of a bath running was going to make him freak out if he kept thinking. 

“I’m just saying!” Harrison snorted. “It’s not like we’re nude, dude.” 

“You’re making this weirder.” 

“Says you, Mr. Wearing A Plastic Bag In A Shower.” 

“Oh, dare me to take it off?” 

“WAIT NO YOU NEED THAT-“ 

…

“Like I said, Hannah Montana.”

Harrison looked back to Jack with an offended gasp, setting down the towel he was drying his hair with and then wiped away a fake tear. 

“You hurt my feelings, Jackothy.” 

“Sorry, Miley.” 

Harrison laughed loudly, and Jack grinned a bit. 

…

His eyes opened, and he felt fear crawl up his spine. 

He was back _there._ In his “room”. 

He felt his guts twist in a knot of dread. _Why am I here? Why am I back here!?_

He sat up, and walked towards the door. 

“Sorry, Jack.” He flinched when he saw Harrison right next to him. “We couldn’t keep you with us. You’re too much to handle.” 

“What?” Jack squeaked out- but Harrison was gone, and the sound of a door slamming downstairs could be heard. The telltale door. _He’s home._

Jack felt his heart jump into his throat, and his lungs turn into thorns. He felt the stench of death. 

**_“COME DOWN STAIRS. NOW.”_ **

Jack instinctively did as he was told, scrambling down stairs at his father’s call. 

He felt his stomach turn when he saw the ugly, aged, rancid face. The blurry eyes and the yellow teeth. The shadow around his mouth and the grey in his hair. His fists. Ready. To rip. Into him. 

Blood dripped from where he had been shot. 

Why was he home? He was arrested! He was arrested, wasn’t he!? _Why was he home!?_

**_“You’re going to pay for what you did to me.”_ **

His father’s voice felt like sharp ice digging into his gut- repeatedly launching itself into him as he doubled over- his shoulders hunched in submission. He could feel bile rising in his throat. 

**_“You little BRAT.”_ **

Jack was slammed into the wall- the familiar hands against his trachea as he was suffocated. He struggled, gripping at the acidic hands that have hurt him time and time again. He choked and sobbed, he tried to scream for help, but nothing came out. 

**_“You’ll never escape me.”_ **

  
  


“JACK!” 

Jack jolted forward in bed- his eyes wide and his lungs desperately devouring the air that he seemed to lack. He was drenched in sweat, and his still healing ribs hurt like hell. 

Harrison stood in front of him- his eyes wide with worry and confusion. 

Jack panted, squinting his eyes as they tried to adjust to the dark room. What was going on? 

“I’m- Wh- what’s-“ 

“It’s okay! It’s okay. Everything’s fine. You’re okay, alright? C-calm down.” Harrison eased out. Jack’s wide eyes darted from the floor, to each wall in the room, to the door. 

He was in Harrison’s house. Not the old one. Not _his_ house. 

He exhaled again- but this time it came out as a whimper, his voice betraying him as it felt like his throat was coated in syrup. He ran his fingers through his hair, whimpering again, and letting out a loud sob. His shoulders heaved as his lungs tried to keep up with his pounding heart and shaking body. 

“Jack, oh no, hey, it’s okay,” Harrison pleaded, trying to scoot a bit closer. “Do you need anything? What happened?” 

“I-I,” Jack stammered out. He could barely speak. “I-I- i-i dreamt Th-that- that y-you gave m-me back to him- a-and he wasn’t in prison-on- and-and he...h-he w-was ch-choking m-me and-“ he started going into a coughing fit, and Harrison set a hand on his back, attempting to comfort him. 

“Hey! Slow down, it’s okay, dude. Don’t stress yourself trying to tell me. You’re okay. What would you like me to do? Do you want the light on?” 

A nod from jack. 

“Okay! W-what about something to eat or drink on the way?” 

A headshake. 

“Gotcha. Do you want me here?” 

A hesitant nod. 

“Alright, here, just let me-“ 

Harrison moved away from Jack, and there was blind fumbling in the room, before Harrison had flicked on the light switch. Jack flinched at first, the brightness blinding him, but he rubbed his eyes, and was given comfort by the ability to see more. 

Nothing twisted or shifted in the light like it did in the dark. Nothing was that scary anymore. 

Jack hugged his knees with his one good arm, rocking in place as Harrison sat back down next to him. 

For awhile, Jack seemed to refuse to be touched, but after a few minutes passed, he scooted closer and leaned against Harrison. The larger friend gladly put an arm around him protectively. 

“He won’t go away.” Jack’s voice was a fragile whimper, barely audible. “I can still feel him watching me like something trying to catch it’s goddamn prey...h-he’s arrested for life but- but why do I still feel him?” He let out a small sob. “Why haven’t I recovered yet?” 

“Jack, it’s only been a week,” Harrison replied in a low, soft voice. “People have a pace for recovering, and I, for one, don’t think it’s even possible to recover from trauma like yours in the span of a _year.”_

Jack let out another sob. 

“I was supposed to get _better”._ He whined out, crying against Harrison’s side. “I was supposed to be fixed by now. Why is he still here?” 

“You grew up with him there. You can’t expect yourself to stop checking for attacks after years of checking repeatedly. We learned about mental conditioning in biology, remember?” 

Jack sniffed, and leaned harder into Harrison, whimpering. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Harrison muttered. 

“I’m sorry,” 

“Jack…” 

Jack looked up at Harrison, still sobbing, still barely able to breathe. He felt like the world was grabbing him with an iron grip, and he felt a dread in his stomach that screamed for a way out. _But what’s that way out? Death?_ He felt nothing at that. He hadn’t felt anything over suicidal thoughts in awhile, no guilt, no regret, nothing. He only felt like he wanted to die when he got like this. He wanted the toxic world he was born in to be quiet. No matter what, the world would tear itself to shreds. No matter what, he didn’t have any parents that loved him. No matter what, he was still a nuisance to his friends. No matter what, his father was out there, and wanted him dead. 

_This is all there is._ He sobbed as his mind screamed. _This is all there_ **_fucking_ ** _is in this hell of a life. There’s nothing. There’s tragedies happening everywhere, and the second we fix one problem, another arises. A perfect world will never exist. Perfect happiness will never exist. I’m fucking drowning and no one else sees they’re drowning too. No one else sees they’re drowning because they can’t see how bad the world is. I’m so sorry for them, I truly am._

He let out another shaky sob. Harrison was saying something, but it fuzzed out like radio static. 

Everything was already dead and it didn’t know it. _And it’s my fault. Because I’m still breathing. Because my body still thinks this useless corpse is alive._

He felt Harrison grip his hand and tug it away from his arm- and he let out a yelp. His friend kept a harsh grip on his hand- and, for a second, he thought Harrison was going to start hurting him- until he realized there was blood clotted under his own fingernails he looked to his arm- which had a small scratches on it- welts of blood slowly rising from the wounds he inflicted on himself unconsciously. 

He looked back to Harrison, who seemed to say something along the lines of “im sorry” or “stop doing that”. Probably both. 

“I’m sorry-“ Jack could barely hear himself, and he felt like his throat was just being filled with syrup. “I’m sorry,” he tried to say again. 

Harrison stared at him still, frowning. 

“I wanna die,” Jack felt his throat rumble as he said this. Harrison bit his lip, and just held onto Jack. 

Next thing Jack knew, he was being lead outside their room. 

He very suddenly became aware of the sounds he could hear in the dark- their soft footsteps on the wooden floor as they walk around the house- Harrison leading him by the hand. It all felt obscure...alien, yet...it almost grounded him in a weird way. Almost. The house was cold. 

Harrison ended up in the bathroom with Jack, opening up the cupboard under the sink and taking out a white box. He popped it open. 

Jack didn’t know what he expected when he figured out it was a first aid kit. Harrison grabbed a few bandages from it- oddly and shakily applying them where Jack had been bleeding. They weren’t expertly applied, but, if Jack felt any form of sentience, he would’ve found it endearing. At the moment he just felt dead. 

The sticky bandages felt familiar- the stiffness against his skin seemed to bring him a sense of reality. 

“C’mon,” Harrison had gently grabbed Jack by the good hand again, leading him out of the bathroom. Jack blindly followed, eyes half-lidded. At least he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore. 

When they showed up to the kitchen, Jack squinted a bit. 

“What’re we doing?” 

Harrison had opened a cupboard- taking out a small box that contained some sort of powder. 

“Were making hot cocoa.” 

Jack’s eyebrows slightly went up, and he sighed. 

“I’m lactose intolerant, Harrison.” 

Harrison reached into the fridge, and pulled out a milk carton. 

“Lactose-free.” He assured matter-of-factly, swishing the liquid inside a bit. “Ma bought it when we decided you would move in.” 

Jack felt ever so slightly touched, but still looked at him cautiously. 

“C’mon, it’s December, 3:26 A.M., let's make hot cocoa.” 

Jack sighed, shrugging and giving up. 

“Fine. How do we make this.” 

Harrison’s expression lit up, and he rushed over to the cupboards, opening them and grabbing a few mugs. He shifted one to the side for himself and looked at Jack from the corner of his eye. 

“Spider-Man Or Ironman?” 

“Spider-Man, obviously.” Jack snorted in an exhausted manner- he wasn’t _quite_ yet too emotionally drained to be snarky. 

“Why Of Course, How Could I Be Mistaken,” Harrison replied in an amused tone, grabbing one of the mugs, setting it next to his own, and putting the rest of the mugs back into the cupboard. 

He walked over to Jack, setting their mugs down, to which Jack realized Harrison had chosen The Hulk for his own mug- because of course he would. The larger boy unscrewed the cap of the milk jug, and poured, Jack watching as the sickly-white liquid filled both the mugs. 

“You make it in the cups?” 

“Well, you _can_ mix it and warm it on the stove in a pot,” Harrison shrugged, finishing pouring and then screwing the cap on. “But I think it tastes better when you make it the it’s-3-am-way.”

He walked over with the milk and opened the fridge door, shoving it in and closing it. He then walked over to a drawer, opening it, and taking out a spoon. 

Jack watched Harrison measure out the chocolate powder with a spoon, dumping a few spoonfuls in each mug, and then stirring both of them. Jack started to realize that he had been sitting on the counter this whole time...weird. 

He snapped back into focus when Harrison set a bag of marshmallows and a can of whipped cream on the counter, spraying some of the latter into the mugs and then sprinkling the former on top of them. 

“Looks like a cartoon.” Jack commented in a monotone voice. Harrison laughed softly. 

“Kinda!” He replied with his goofy grin he always has. Carefully, he picked up both the mugs and walked over to the microwave. He bonked his head against the button to open it(to which Jack promptly let out a laugh), and then set the mugs inside. He slammed the door shut, typed in around a minute, and started it. 

Jack watched the light hum from the microwave through half-lidded eyes. 

“Microwaves are so loud…” he rasped. Harrison turned and looked at him, eyebrows raised. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Don’t you hear it? The loud buzzing n stuff…the ringing.” 

Harrison looked to the microwave, squinting. 

“No. Nah I don’t.” 

Jack listened to it still. He could hear the fridge running, too. 

When the microwave shut off and started beeping, jack flinched in alarm. Harrison softly smiled at him, and walked over to the microwave. 

The clinking of the glasses as they came out of the microwave, cupped in Harrison’s(covered with an oven mitt) hand, made jack’s heart beat weird. He blinked and watched Harrison set the two mugs on the counter. 

“They’re hot, wait a second.” 

Jack looked Harrison dead in the eye, and reached for a mug- to which Harrison laughed, softly shoving the hand away from it. 

“I said wait!” He chuckled. Jack softly smiled, lifting his hand in surrender. 

“You sure this isn’t gonna make me throw up?” He asked, swinging his legs a bit as they hung off the countertop. Harrison rolled his eyes, smiling. 

“Yes. I’m sure.” He groaned. “It’s lactose-free milk, and it tastes just like normal milk.” He looked at Jack with a knowing glance. “Even if it wasn’t, you’d still drink it.”

“Got me there.” Jack shrugged. He reached for a cup. “Can we try it now?” 

“Sure, but it might be too hot.” 

“Welp, whatever. I’m impatient.” Jack grabbed the Spider-Man mug, and lifted it to his face. He took a sip. 

It burned. 

“Ow!” Jack cringed at the feeling in his tongue, sticking it out to cool it off. Harrison bursted out laughing. 

“Told you!” He exclaimed. Jack didn’t fight back a smile as he shook his head, chuckling. He had a bit of a whipped-cream mustache. 

“Well- don’t bully me!” He choked, a grin on his face. “I didn’t even taste that! It just burned!” 

“That’s what happens!” Harrison retorted, smirking. Jack laughed a bit, blowing at his drink, and then took another sip. 

It didn’t burn this time- and he could taste it. Chocolately, warm, and creamy...it...it felt really nice. 

He felt a small sense of nostalgia at the taste- and could suddenly remember when he was a little kid- back when his mother was alive. She used to make him hot cocoa before his lactose intolerance actually kicked in. Even then, he’d still ask for some. 

He hadn’t had hot cocoa in over ten years. 

“It’s good.” Jack finally rasped, licking at his lip a bit. “I...I like it. A lot.”

“Glad you do!” Harrison chuckled, grabbing his own mug and drinking from it. 

There was the sound of slippers shuffling on the tile floor, and before they knew it, Ms. Morris walked into the kitchen, eyes half-lidded and confused. 

“Boys, Son las 4 de la mañana y ustedes siguen despiertos. What’re you doing?” 

“Mami- Hola nosotros solo queríamos uh...make hot cocoa. It’s been a bit of a...stressful night.” Harrison gestured to Jack. “y quería que se sintiera mejor.” 

Ms. Morris’ expression slowly shifted into a soft, heart-warmed one. 

“Okay, Boys. I’m going back to bed. I love you both.” 

“Goodnight!” Harrison chirped. 

“Oh- uh- night-“ Jack snapped out of his confusion of her saying she loved them to bid her a quick goodnight, before sipping at his cocoa more. 

There was silence for a second. Nothing very uncomfortable- just...quiet. 

“How’re you feeling?” Harrison asked. Jack looked at him for a second, before looking back to his hot cocoa. 

“...well, my ribs hurt.” He shrugged. “But the cocoas good.” 

Harrison rolled his eyes, chuckling. 

“I’m glad you like the cocoa.” 

They sat there for a bit, just quietly embracing the December atmosphere- it’s an alien feeling, sitting in the night a few hours before the sun rises. The warmth of his mug against his good hand managed to keep him ever so slightly grounded to the earth. Hard to imagine just twenty minutes earlier he had been hyperventilating- screaming to the quiet earth with his mind to kill him. 

“Harrison?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you.” 

  
  



	5. Teenagers Scare The Living Shit Outta Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack goes back to school.

_“As of December 18th, former Governor of Wisconsin Harold Wexler has been accused of not only attempt of murder and child abuse- but clips of accusations and evidence show domestic abuse, assisted suicide, and tax evasion.”_

_“Though not yet found guilty, there is little hope for Wexler, as he is facing all odds and has been forced to spend his time in prison after supposedly attempting to shoot his child after first breaking their ribs, arm, and nose. A gruesome story- and an even more bloody court case.”_

_“Absolutely, Jim. Now to Brendon with the weather-“_

Click. 

Jack’s thumb lifted off of the remotes power button, and felt the room melt onto uneasy silence as he rendered what he just witnessed. 

Exhaling, he rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his fingers, shutting his eyes and trying to shake his nerves out of his mind. He didn’t want to deal with this today...not right now. Didn’t he have something to do today? His shoes being on signaled he was about to leave somewhere. 

“Jack! Are you ready for school?”

Jack perked up and peeked from behind the couch. Oh, right, school. He exhaled and looked to his old backpack at his side. Right…

“Jack?”

“Uh- Y-Yeah! Yeah, I-I am!” He swung his arm through one of the straps of the backpack and stood up, putting the other strap over his shoulder of his broken arm as he made his way over to the kitchen- where he saw Harrison and Ms. Morris waiting.

“Are you sure you can handle this, Jack?” Harrison gave a concerned expression. “You’ve been out for a week and there's only three days left until Winter Break- I get wanting to take finals, but…”

“I’ll be fine.” Jack replied softly. “I’d rather rip the bandaid off anyways. I’m already failing debate, so when I flunk it I won't have to care. English is easy. I’m fucking up math but like, honestly what else was there to learn besides what I’ve done, and anatomy is easy.” 

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Jack!” Ms. Morris hummed out pleasantly. “Did you eat breakfast?”

“Er- I’m not hungry.” 

Ms. Morris looked at Jack with a soft frown tugging down at her lips, and she exhaled softly. 

“Could you at least bring a granola bar with you? I don’t want you to be hungry.” 

She swiftly plucked one from a small box laying on the counter, and handed it to Jack, who blinked and shoved it in the side of his backpack.   
  
“Alright, Ms. Morris.” 

“You realize you can just call me Carmina, right?” 

“Do you...w-want me to?”

“Whatever is comfortable, honey.” 

Jack stared at her with wide eyes, and softly nodded, not knowing how to respond. He was confused and rather frightened at the idea of calling an adult figure by their first name- even if he himself was 18.

“Well, we’ll be going now! Bye, mami!” Harrison stuffed a bagel in his mouth, swinging his backpack over his shoulder as he waved goodbye. Ms. Morris gave a small chuckle. 

“Bye, you two! Have a nice day at school!” 

“Bye!” Jack replied nervously, following Harrison out. 

...

“I’m jus sayin,” Harrison spoke with a mouth full of bagal, steering his Voltswagon Van with one hand. He had just gotten it back in March- it was old and blank, but he kept talking about getting it fixed up in some cool way. “We need to get some flames on this bad boy.” 

“You’re gonna look like a Hot Wheel.” Jack muttered, snorting a bit while picking at his cast. Harrison laughed.

“You’re saying you don’t want to roll up on the streets with a hot new ride?”

“Not saying that, just stating facts.” Jack crossed his arms awkwardly, the cast making it difficult, but he still leaned back and placed his heel on the dashboard casually. He then quickly removed it. “Sorry,” 

“You’re fine,” Harrison chuckled, shrugging. “The cars already messy, dude. Place your shit wherever.” 

Jacks instincts screamed for him to sit still and straight, so he just sat up and stayed like that. Harrison blinked at him and let out a soft sigh, going back to focus on the road and pull into a parking space. He unbuckled and opened his door, stepping out of the car. Jack felt a bit of apprehension, however he unbuckled himself and stepped out as well, quickly catching up with Harrison as they walked through the parking lot. 

“Sorry,” Jack said again. Harrison looked at him. 

“Jack, really. You’re fine.” He repeated, walking onwards. “You literally didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You seemed mad,” 

“I...wasn’t?” 

“...I’m...Not good at social cues.” 

“I know,” Harrison chuckled softly, gently patting Jacks shoulder. “And it’s one of your lovable traits.” 

_Was that sarcasm?_ Jack looked at the ground as he tried to think. Harrison seemed to notice this. 

“I’m being honest,” He replied. “Seriously, There's nothing wrong with it, Jack. It’s like how Yunlian’s tourettes is lovable, too. There's nothing wrong with it.”

Jack stared at the ground as they walked into school. 

From the get-go, he could tell he had eyes on him as soon as they walked into the courtyard. They burned into his flesh, and he heard groups of kids start to whisper, staring directly at him. He felt his heart pound- He wanted to disappear. He wanted to run, but he knew running would draw unwanted attention. He slouched lower and stuck closer to Harrison, who perked up in alarm at the sudden body language his friend was displaying. 

“You okay?”

“Can we just get to debate, please?”

“That's a first,” Harrison sighed. “Yeah, sure bud. Let’s get to debate.”

…

As they entered the classroom, there sat Evelyn and Ella among other students, already chatting away. They both turned and perked up in surprise, smiling and waving. 

“Hey, you two!” Evelyn shouted. “You’re early! C’mon over here!” 

Jack felt a bit of tension ever so slightly ease up in his chest, and he smiled, walking over to his two friends, Harrison by his side. They sat down in their normal seats- jack taking off his backpack and casting it to the side. 

“Oh! You have a pretty blue cast!” Ella chirped in delight, smiling at him. Jack perked up, and laughed. 

“Oh- y-yeah! Um- y-you two can sign it, i-if you want,” 

“Hell yeah!” Evelyn slipped off from the desk she was sitting on, and marched over to Jack, who handed her a red marker. She bit the cap off and wrote her name, to which Ella walked over and gently took the blue marker jack handed her, and wrote her name after Evelyn. 

Jack felt a small force of love from his friends. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the two sisters names- both very similar- however Evelyn’s seemed to be quick and almost more angry, while Ella’s gentle and patient. 

The door swung open, and Yunlian made his way through, a smirk on his face. 

“Hey!” Harrison got up and walked over, giving a gentle kiss to Yunlian on the cheek- to which Yunlian chuckled and kissed him on the lips real quick and held his hand as they walked over to their desks. 

“Hello!” He cheered to the group. “Sorry I am late- I was trying to finish my math assignment before I left!” 

“You’re not late,” Evelyn shrugged. 

“You wound me, let me be stylishly late.” 

“We’re fucking nerds, that doesn’t exist.” Evelyn laughed. 

Jack watched the interaction with a small smile on his face, pulling out his sketchbook and starting to doodle in it. A small doodle of some crows and ravens, perched atop a lynx and a bear. 

He flinched back _hard_ when a hand slammed on his desk. 

Looking up was the pale face of a boy with bright red hair and a scrunched up, freckled nose. 

“Aren’t you, like, supposed to be in court?” The boy sneered, narrowing his eyes. Jack felt himself start trembling, and he quickly scrambled to grab at his sketchbook. His friends around him grew tense. 

“U-uhm-“ he stammered, trying to drag the book back- however the boy grabbed it and lifted it. 

“No! I want to see your pretty art.” He laughed. 

“H-hey- give that b- please-“ Jack stood up in his seat in attempts to reach for it. Evelyn slammed her hands on her desk and stood up. 

“Dammit, Dhillon! Can’t you go a day without getting off on being a jerk?” 

“Can’t you go a day without being some stupid SJW or whatever?” Dhillon laughed, dropping the sketchbook on the floor. “Stupid furry art or whatever, huh?” Jack scrambled to grab it, picking it up. 

The page of the one he was working on was crumpled from the impact of the fall. Jack felt his heart sink. 

“Fuck you, you asshole!” Yunlian spat. 

“He just left the hospital a week ago and all you can do is attack him!” Ella snarled. 

“Sounds like a pathetic scavenger!” Harrison barked. 

Dhillon put his hands up. 

“Well I just wanted to see _‘his’_ pretty drawings! I didn’t even do anything!” 

“Shut the fuck up, _Dhillon.”_ Evelyn scoffed, walking over to Jack and helping him up. 

“What! I’m not even doing anything!” 

As they talked, Mrs. Goldstien walked in, peeking up at the sight of conflict and jogging over. 

“Hey! Break it up!” She spat. Evelyn held Jack behind her, baring her teeth. 

“Dhillon threw Jack’s sketchbook!” Evelyn spat. 

“Did not! I _dropped_ it! How do you know it wasn’t an accident!” 

“Jack?” Mrs. Goldstien furrowed her brows, and then nodded. “Oh, right. Name change. Got it.” She looked to Dhillon. “You need to go back to your seat. I don’t want another peep from you today.” 

“Wow, this is favoritism.” Dhillon snarled, walking back to the other side of the room. Mrs. Goldstien watched him, and then looked back to Jack, who was still behind Evelyn- gripping onto his sketchbook and trembling. 

“Jack, is it? That’s a nice name.” She gave a small smile. “Can I see the book? It looks like one of the pages was crinkled.” 

Jack looked at her with wide eyes, and slowly handed the book over with hesitation. His heart was pounding. 

“Alright- this is just pen, right? Here- for this period let’s close it, and I’ll put a heavy book on top of it. It might help flatten out the page. Alright?” 

Jack couldn’t help but feel immense confusion, but he softly nodded, still trembling. Mrs. Goldstien smiled at him. 

“And...you’re using he/him pronouns now, right?” 

Jack nodded again- eyes still wide. 

“Okay! Good to know, thank you for telling me, Jack.” 

As she walked over to her desk, Jack felt an overwhelming, almost uncomfortable amount of softness from how...nice that went. He didn’t know why he avoided Mrs. Goldstien...probably because he felt guilty for how bad he did in her class. 

“You okay?” Harrison muttered softly to Jack, who nodded. He was shaken up, and kinda didn’t wanna talk, but he wasn’t fearing for his life, at least. 

The door slammed open again, and Avery stumbled into the room- his hair unbrushed and his glasses askew as he panted. 

“You’re almost late, Avery.” Mrs. Goldstien stated. “Sit on down.” 

Avery exhaled roughly, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders, and pushed through the other side of the room.

He sat next to Jack, chair creaking, and set his bag down. Jack looked at him- awkwardly staring before shakily grabbing a teal pen and looking at Avery. _Would asking him to sign my cast be weird? I’m not even talking right now. What the hell is wrong with me?_ He thought, slowly putting the pen away and looking down sadly. 

…

“Jack, can you stay a second after class?” 

Jack held back as he watched everyone leave he classroom, anxiety grabbing into his spine like claws, but he quickly turned around and walked over to Mrs. Goldstien, a small, nervous grin on his face as he tapped the desk. 

“Y-yes?” 

“Well, first of all, here.” She handed him back his sketchbook, to which he perked up and held it in his hands. “Second of all, Jack...you realize your weekly commentary essays are brilliant, right?” 

Jack stared at her with an expression of pure confusion. 

“The only reason you’re failing is the fact that you...kinda refuse to present in class.” Mrs. Goldstien stated. “I think you’re genuinely talented at delivering and coming up with good debates. You have skills of a leader in you, you’re just afraid to speak up.” 

“...I’m sorry,” Jack muttered out softly. Mrs. Goldstien shook her head. 

“Don’t be sorry, Jack. But...look. Promise me this- if you promise to speak up next semester, I won’t fail you this one. Deal?” 

Jack stared at her. 

“...r-really?” 

“You know how this class works- you just need to participate, Jack. Yes, I’m being serious.” 

Jack stared, and then softly nodded. 

“O-okay, Ma’am. Th-thank you.” 

…

In math, Jack flinched as two girls sat near his desk, staring him down. He stood up straight- eyes wide. 

“So you’re like, a boy now.” A blonde girl- Caroline said. Jack blinked at her, fiddling with the pencil in his hand. 

“Y...y-yeah.” 

“That’s fun,” she shrugged- jack couldn’t tell if she was being genuine. “So your dad is like...arrested? That’s crazyyy!” She had a smile on her face, and Jack’s heart pounded. Did they seriously think this was some sort of cool drama to gossip about? 

“Oh my god… so are you like, only living with your mom now?” Kasey, the girl with black hair, gasped. 

“Um...n-no.” 

“Kasey, you dumbass!” Caroline gently smacked at the girl. “Don’t you remember! Harold Wexler's wife killed herself, you idiot!” 

“Ooohhh, riiiight!” 

Jack wanted to disappear. His skin was on fire. His heart was doing laps while his stomach somersaulted. He looked at his review sheet instead of them. 

“Sorry about Kasey, she’s a stupid cunt. Anywayyyyss, hope you get better!” Caroline grinned, getting up and walking away- Kasey following close behind. 

Jack shut his eyes tight, shuttering, but he muttered out a small “ _thank you.”_

…

Anatomy went smoothly, as always. He had a small talk with his teacher about his medical issues- infodumping about parts he thought were cool and nodding as his teacher responded with how some treatments work. He then went back to studying the names of the upper section of the body. 

English, however, was a bit tough. After refreshing on terms, their teacher then stood up and said: 

“Finals are tough. I want you all to write out your emotions for me- uncensored, do what you please. I’d like to see what you can turn stress into.” 

Jack stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him. He looked to his side, where Harrison was casually yet slowly writing away. He looked back, and picked up his pen. 

_“I’m a cat out of the bag. I’ve been living a thousand lies my whole life and now it’s all been thrust out at once. Muffled emotions that never escaped the bag are now loose and impossible to hold onto- and everyone is staring. Everyone is staring and their eyes burn like white hot knives. I want to bleach all of it out. I already feel like I’m being watched enough- but thousands of eyes are even worse. I feel like a strange, vile monster who scientists caught and performed a live autopsy on. They held my organs to the sky and screeched ‘GAZE UPON THIS ALIEN BEING! NOT LIKE ANY OTHER!’ People pity me yet they still dig at me, gathering around for their own feel of my organs. Maybe pouring bleach in the wound will turn it pitch white. Maybe I’ll look normal. Maybe it’ll just look like pretty flowers and I can at least die with a sense of respect- but there’s nothing here. I want to hide, or run- but people say killing yourself isn’t the way. If I look behind me for another exit- I’ll have to see the truth I’ve been running from and it’ll all be real. It’ll all be real and I can’t do a goddamn thing to stop it. Do I follow my mother and jump off the cliff, or face my father and live my worst nightmare? I don’t know. I’m tired of not knowing. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore.”_

“Jack?” 

Harrison was looking at Jack with wide eyes- and Jack realized he was trembling like a freezing kitten- and that his page was black with words. He was starting to tear up a bit. 

“You okay?” 

Jack looked at his friend, and shakily nodded- his throat too tight for words. 

Sure. Everything’s fine. Everything’s perfectly fine. 

…

When they got home, Jack plopped directly onto the bed- eyes heavy and worn from the long day. He wanted his ears to stop ringing and head to stop spinning. 

Harrison walked over, sitting on the ladder and looking at Jack. 

“You good?” 

“Tomorrow will be better.” He groaned. “No time for idiots. We have finals to do.” 

“That’s at least optimistic,” Harrison sighed, smiling. “You look like dogshit. You realize you’re laying on your arm, right?” 

“Yeah. It hurts.” 

“Then why are you doing it?” 

“I’m tired and don’t care.” Despite his reasoning, Jack still rolled over into his back, staring at Harrison upside down. He blinked tiredly. His close friend chuckled. 

“C’mon. Let’s make some lunch.” 

“Fine.” Jack exhaled and rolled over again- this time using his healthier arm to push himself up and off the bed. Harrison jumped down from the ladder and walked out of the room, Jack following. 

…

The sound of crickets and the occasional car zooming through the neighborhood felt isolating as Jack typed away at his laptop, scrolling through and zoning out. He exhaled and chewed on one of his fingers as he clicked and reblogged something. He only perked up when there were footsteps and the door opened. Harrison appeared in the doorframe, smirking.   
  
“Wanna go on a ride? We can pick up Yun and the sisters,” He spun his ring of keys in his hand, and Jack let out a snort. 

“Sure. Where?” 

“Wherever the wind takes us…” Harrison said in a fake-wise accent, smug expression on his face as he kicked off the door frame and started walking out. Jack watched, smiling a bit and shutting his laptop. He swung his feet over the bed and stood up, and followed Harrison out of the room.

“We’re heading out!” Harrison called as he walked through the house. 

“Okay! Be careful! Te amo!” Ms. Morris called after them.

They exited the house with a creak of the door, and a loud shut as they walked over to Harrison’s car, pulled over in front of the house(the garage was for the family car). They popped into the car, and Harrison turned the ignition and the car turned on with a rumble. He grabbed the aux and handed it to Jack.

“Go ahead. Play some bops.” 

Jack nervously took the chord, and plugged in his phone. Immediately, Teenagers by MCR started blasting. Harrison let out a laugh and put the car into drive. 

“Let’s head out!”

…

“I’m just saying, Grumpy Cat can EASILY beat Piano Cat in a fight any day.”

“What, in a Warrior Cat’s fight?” 

Evelyn snorted violently as Jack responded to her comment, slapping the car door and letting out a cackle. 

“Shut up!” She squeaked. Jack let out a chuckle, watching her from the passenger's seat with a grin. Ella and Yunlian chuckled a bit, and Harrison shook his head as he focused on the road.

“So where do we want to go?” He asked, looking in the mirror for a second before going back to focusing ahead of him. 

“Thought you said we’d go where the wind takes us.” Jack replied.

“That was when I was being whimsical and cool. Now pick a place before I drive you all to the pound.”

“I don’t like that you’re implying that we’re furries.” Evelyn scoffed.

“We could go to the Sip N Wee!” Yunlian suggested, leaning forward and putting his hands on Harrisons seat. “Slushies sound good!” 

“It’s 30 degrees out.” Jack responded blankly.

“Still sounds good!” Ella chirped. 

“Okay! Let’s go there. Jack if you want something warm they have like...hotdogs or some shit there!” 

Jack perked up, and snorted a bit.

“I’m not too pussy to get a cold drink in the cold. I’ll fuckin do it, watch me.” 

“No one is challenging you.”

“Too late! I’m gonna get a cold ass slushie!”

Harrison snorted and shook his head, while Yunlian let out a laugh and the two sisters raised their eyebrows in surprise. 

“Damn, you actually saying more than ten words a day is more entertaining than I thought.” Evelyn snorted.

…

The cold air chipped at his face as he could see his breath, and he sipped at his blue raspberry slushie and pondered for a second if it would make the sight go away.   
  
“I don’t know, I just think cherry is like, the sexiest.” Yunlian’s laugh played behind Jack as he walked ahead of them to the car. His head hurt a bit from the cold drink.

_There IS cold frost going down my throat so there's the possibility of it cooling down air that plans to come out._ Jack thought to himself- the medical equation forming in his head as he walked. He tucked his casted hand into his pant’s pockets, the alien feeling of being unable to feel the MCR bracelet he was wearing was weird. 

“You say that like blue tongues aren’t hot.” Harrison laughed.

“What’re you, a fucking homestuck?” Evelyn crowed. Harrison started cackling.

_Then again, the esophagus and the traecia are completely different organs. So it might not matter how cold of things I drink._ Jack blinked as he sipped. 

“Jack, you good?” Ella asked, blinking. Jack looked back to see her, and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I’m…”

Was he? He thought back to earlier in the day… Tomorrow was finals. 

“I’m good.”

He exhaled. He could see his breath. 

  
  
  



	6. Pigeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuzzy feeling and I miss you  
> Why can nothing stay the same  
> Fucking stupid head i'm gonna kill you  
> Melt all your art and drink the paint  
> I am not a beast I'm not a monster  
> I don't care what you say  
> You can't have the bad guys without a hero  
> And I'm the only one who's got a cape  
> Didn't give me time to say goodbye in the way that I wanted to  
> So honey, close your eyes and stay like you're supposed to do  
> Don't know how I'm gonna live without, but I'll stay strong for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey- bit of a warning! This chapter gets kinda graphic at some times so please be careful <3 there’s implied self harm, and mentions of drug usage and child abuse/grooming.

The sound of the pencil scritching and scratching away at his paper as he filled in bubble after bubble felt loud. _I’m not going fast enough_ . He thought to himself. _I’m not going fast enough. What’s wrong with me?_

  1. What is a Value Statement? 



  1. An idea that the debater argues is paramount.
  2. A standard by which to measure values.
  3. Guiding principles that dictate behavior or action.
  4. The judgement of the merits and faults of a debate.



His mind felt fuzzy, like two blocks of styrofoam was inside of his skull squeaking against each other instead of a brain. He nervously tapped his pencil, and shakily filled in the letter A. _But while studying I could’ve SWORN I connected the word ‘standard’ to this question!_ He thought to himself. But maybe that was the trick? He blinked at the paper. What studying did he even do? Stare at his study guides until giving up? He bit his lip and erased his answer for the question, but then re-bubbled the letter A again as he rethought it. 

He couldn’t help but flinch as a student got up and turned in their test. _But I’m not even halfway through!_ He started sweating and looked to the paper, and went on to the next question. 

…

He turned in his paper to the front, nerves vibrating within him and biting at him like an animal as he set it down and walked back to his desk. He hated that he was one of the last to finish. He probably didn’t even get anything right. He looked at his desk with stressed eyes. 

“Are we all done?” Mrs. Goldstein asked. She shut the novel she was reading. “Good. You can talk _quietly_ now.” 

Immediately, Harrison leaned over to Jack from his right, looking at him. 

“Did you get B for the one about Core Value?” 

“What! No! I got C!” Jack exclaimed in alarm. Harrison blinked at him sympathetically. 

“Dude, C had the definition for _criticism…”_

“I’m a dumbass.” Jack cupped his hands and hid his face in it. Harrison chuckled softly.

“You're fine. It was just one question.”

“This sucks.” He laid his head on his desk and looked at Harrison, who smiled softly. 

“We have two more finals today, then tomorrow we have one more and that’s it.” 

“I guess.” He tapped at his desk, dejected. 

…

Anatomy was easier, at least. He tapped his pencil as his leg bounced, eyes darting around the page. 

  1. Heart, Lungs, and Stomach can be found in what part of the body?



  1. patellar region
  2. Ventral cavity 
  3. femoral region
  4. Chest cavity 



Quickly, he chose B. D was a trick- while the Ventral Cavity can be called the Chest cavity, it would be informal to use medically. A and C weren’t even cavity’s, they were regions. He quickly turned the page, bouncing his leg still as he went on to answer the question about the ABCDEs of skin cancer. 

…

As he finished up his English final, he turned it in, and spent the rest of the hour on his phone. Soon, the bell rang, and he quickly got up, pushing in his chair and started to head out. 

“Jack,” his English teacher, Mrs. John began. “Can you stay back for a second?” 

Kids poured out of the room, and he looked at them nervously but walked over. Harrison looked at him and headed outside, signaling he would wait by the door. 

“Um...yes?” He asked, approaching his teachers desk. She smiled at him softly, and crossed her arms on her desk. 

“You don’t have a bus to catch, right?” She asked. He shook his head, and so she continued. “I’m...rather worried for you. Of course all that happened with your family is your own business and I wouldn’t like to intrude on that, but…” she held onto a piece of paper- and his heart dropped when he recognized it as the paper he wrote yesterday. “...what you wrote...Jack, as a teacher we have to be able to detect red flags, and there are multiple here for you.” 

“You told me to write to relieve stress,” Jack replied apprehensively. “I just wrote a bunch of random garbage.” 

“Jack…” she had pity gracing her expression. “...you threaten _suicide_ in here...whether you did it in a metaphorical fashion- we all know what happened to your mother, and to suggest-“ 

“It’s just random crap!” Jack exclaimed. When he realized his volume, he laughed it off, nerves spiking. “I just was being...dramatic! That’s all. It’s all just dramatics.” 

Mrs. John stared up at Jack, tapping her nails nervously, but then eventually nodded. 

“Okay, Jack...but you know we have a councilor, right?” She asked in a voice she would use talking to an injured puppy. “You can _always_ request to go to her. I _promise_ she can help.” 

“Thank you for...the concern.” Jack looked to the side, and laughed nervously, shaking his head. “Um. I’m gonna head out now. See you after break.” 

“Goodbye, Jack. Have a wonderful holiday.” She called after him as he rushed out of the room. He closed the door behind him, and Harrison looked at him with alarm. 

“What’d she say?” He asked. 

“Nothing. Just dumb shit.” Jack replied, quickening his pace as he held onto his backpack straps. Harrison rushed to walk by his side, eyes concerned. 

“You sure? What was it about?” 

“Stupid, shitty misunderstanding, that’s all.” He growled. Harrison picked up on the hint, and stopped prying. 

…

As he laid in bed, he stared up- the bunk Harrison slept in above him. 

He could hear the alarm clock ticking, but unease stirred in him. He wasn’t about to have a breakdown, but he felt like a ticking time bomb. He hated it. Why couldn’t he just...have it now? It made more sense. He had a final after all, tomorrow his winter break would start and he’d be free by then- right? Was he morally _allowed_ to have a breakdown after being freed? Why was he feeling like _this?_

He shut his eyes, begging for sleep to take him. 

…

  1. Frank Shoemaker makes a deposit in his checking account. He has checks for $56.23, $258.97, and $218.64. Frank also gets back $25.00 in cash. What is his total deposit? 


  1. 383.84
  2. 433.84
  3. 458.94
  4. 508.84



Jack furrowed his brows as he bit at his pencils eraser, gears in his brain working awkwardly against each other as the words and numbers swam before him. In the back of his head he could hear mcr blasting, but he tried to shove it back more in attempts to focus. He grabbed his calculator. 

$56.23+ $258.97+ $218.64= 533.84, however you subtract 25, which leads to $508.84. So...D. He circled his answer, and moved onto the next one, feeling anxiety as he noticed that took him more than two minutes to do. _There’s 50 questions to this and I only have an hour left, if I take two minutes on every question then I’m going to go over the time limit._ It didn’t occur to him the irony that he was able to quickly do that math but not his final. 

… 

“See? We’re free! It’s winter break!” Harrison exclaimed as they exited the building. Jack didn’t like the bright clouds against the concrete and snow burning his eyes so he squinted, but he nodded, exhaustion seeping through his form. 

“Yeah.” He replied. 

Once they got to the car, Harrison pulled two bags out from the glovebox- Jack blinked his burning eyes when he remembered that they made sandwiches that morning. It was all very blurry, though. Everything was always blurry. 

The senior parking lot was mostly empty. The two decided to simply open the back doors of the van and take a seat to eat their sandwiches. 

As Jack took out his sandwich- he realized it was crudely made and had a bunch of green things peeking out of it. He squinted. 

“What the fuck are these?” He asked in a raspy, exhausted voice. Harrison looked over. 

“Uh...cucumbers.” 

“...I fucking hate cucumbers?” 

“Th...then why did you put them in your sandwich?” 

“I don’t know…” Jack opened his sandwich to reveal cucumber slices scattered about, however there was also a few slices of bacon. Score. 

He picked out the slices of bacon- the gross pre-pickle juice could be wiped off. The bread, however, was ruined and soaked. 

He looked in front of him, and noticed a pigeon standing there, cooing and tilting its head at him. 

Holding the bacon pieces he scavenged from it, he set down the bread and cucumbers for the pigeon to waddle over to and start pecking at. A few more suddenly flew in to join- and soon they were just feasting on the unwanted bread. 

“They seem happy.” Harrison snorted. Jack shrugged, taking a bite of the bacon in his hands. 

…

They drove in the van, Jack leaning back and staring out the window as trees and buildings flew by. 

There was a small bump in the road, and Jack tensed. 

It’s not like he was somewhere else. He knew he wasn’t- he could still see the bright clouds but his mind screamed another image. 

The sky was dark, and the brightest lights were from cars as they drove down the road. He looked over and saw his father, who’s blurry face was hardened and angry. 

“Stop looking at me.” He growled, and Jack quickly obeyed, flinching and looking at the road ahead. “You think you’re funny? Making me drive you to the hospital over and over again?” 

_This isn’t real,_ He tried to tell himself. 

He noticed his hand held to his arm- deep, gushing wounds striked it- spelling the word _“mistake”_. He could feel his nose bleeding from when it was smashed into his desk earlier. 

“You’re not cute, you know.” His father snarled. “Dramatics like this doesn’t make you _cute._ ” 

Jack looked out the window.

“Jack?” 

He snapped back, looking at Harrison. “You okay?” 

He noticed he was still gripping his arm- his cast covering it. He couldn’t see it, but he knew the cast was still there. His nose was running. He sniffed and retracted his hand, nodding. 

“...y-yeah.” 

…

Jack stared at the TV playing some cartoons, blinking sleepily. He tilted his head back a bit as he stared over the couch once he heard Harrison walking over, bag of chips in his hand. The fluffy blond shoved some in his mouth, and tilted the bag over to Jack to offer him some. Jack blinked and grabbed some, shoving the potato chips in his mouth and looking down awkwardly when chips fell down his chin. Harrison snorted and walked around the couch, finally sitting down next to Jack. 

“What show is this?” He asked, munching at a new handful of chips. Jack shrugged. 

“That one gumball show.” 

“Oh fuck I love that one.” 

The two of them sat there, staring at the tv. 

…

It was late at night, Jack was still sitting on the couch as some mindless show babbled on in the background. He sat with his legs crossed, a laptop in his lap as he scrolled through some garbage, looking at things like blingies or cool mouse changers. Harrison walked back from the kitchen, glass of water in hand and exhaling softly. 

“I’m gonna head off to bed,” he motioned with his thumb sleepily. Jack blinked at him, and nodded. 

“Yeah, go ahead, man. G’night.” 

“Night.” Harrison waved, lumbering down the halls and into their room. Jack watched him leave, and turned to look back at his laptop. 

He began to scroll through YouTube, looking through some music and adding it to a playlist for himself. 

_“Blah blab yada blah_ **_Harold_ ** _blahch blah-“_

Jack flinched as he heard the name from the tv- quickly looking at it with wide eyes. 

The tv showed some simple old 90s show- and he exhaled, realized that it was a normal name that normal people had. 

...but he still couldn’t help but feel weird. 

His eyes suddenly felt like they were static, and he felt a small ball of fire begin to burn in his chest. 

Quickly, he typed in “ _Facebook”_ and clicked on it- signing in and then typing in the scroll bar. 

“Harold Wexler”.

Quickly, he found his father’s Facebook page, and began to scroll through it, disgust turning inside of him as he kept seeing revolting pictures of the man. _Why am I doing this?_ He asked himself. But no answer surfaced. He just kept scrolling- he felt sick, and his eyes felt even more like static, but his hands couldn’t be torn away. 

“Just visited a homeless shelter and talked to some wonderful citizens! Truly love spending time with people who deserve it!” 

_You didn’t do anything. You fucking hate the homeless. You used to go on rants about how disgusting they were to you while you threw things from anger._ Jack thought to himself, feeling his body heat up. 

“Finished signing my autograph for a handicapped woman who wasn’t able to come to my rally due to her unfortunate leg missing, please pray for her!” 

_That’s not how disabled people like to be treated you fucking asshole. You didn’t give a damn about her. You wanted to turn her into inspiration porn._

Anger heated up in Jack as he felt so genuinely revolted. 

_All of these are lies. You’re lying to the public so you don’t look awful._

A thought struck him: the other men, friends of his father who had also hurt him would be acting like this. They act like this and they walk free. 

_Do they even feel a fucking lick of guilt for what they did to me?_

He remembered being 13, and his father came home drunk with friends. He felt a knot tie in his gut as he remembered being forced to come down to meet some new ones- they had no boundaries. Some of them had drugs- even though his father spoke about how disgusting druggies are, _his friends are okay!_ Because only people who don’t have enough money for an addiction are the disgusting ones! 

He remembered one of his father’s friends sitting next to him on a couch, arm wrapped around his shoulders as he forced a blunt into his mouth- and how he started coughing- the revolting, skunk-smelling air choking him. He felt light but he wanted to vomit. The world wasn’t real. He heard the men around him laughing and decided he _must_ be in a circus for this to be that fucking funny. 

Before he knew it, he had found that man’s Facebook as well after scrolling through his father’s. He was posting about how much he loves his fellow Americans and how _abused kids are just so tragic._

A fire lit up inside Jack, and he realized he had been trembling and crying for quite awhile now. 

Hypocrites. Disgusting, filthy fucking hypocrites. 

It wasn’t tragic to them when he locked himself in his closet out of fear of being thrown into the snow again as a fun party gag. It wasn’t tragic to them when they snuck up behind him and pressed their cigarette buds into his neck and burned him, laughing as he yelped in pain and confusion. It wasn’t tragic to them when he got shoved into the countertop and got a bloody nose. It wasn’t tragic to them when he didn’t know what was going on and woke up not feeling right but he couldn’t fucking remember what happened and just felt sore. 

Quickly, he shoved his laptop off of his legs and grabbed a pillow, curling up around it. He ran his fingers through his hair and sobbed into the pillow- face deep inside of it and he swore he was broken for not being able to breath in it. 

What’s getting better to someone who doesn’t fucking remember being okay in the first place? 

He finally pulled his face back, inhaling shakily, and coughing a bit. He looked to his computer screen- unable to read for a solid minute because his eyes were too blurry. Soon, he realized he had been sitting there reading through this garbage for two hours. He closed the tabs. 

He inhaled shakily. Why? Why was he having breakdowns? Why now? Shouldn't he be happy? He’s on winter break!

He felt sick. He wasn’t sure if it was his mental health or his body was just genuinely that shitty. 

His eyes hurt- and he saw things moving in the corners of his eyes. Any odd shape looked like flesh eating bugs, or twitchy, dead reptiles, or even humanoids ready to charge after him- and the voice in the back of his head insisted that they were waiting nearby. He knew it had to be fake- right? He shivered. 

Revolting. Revolting. Revolting. 

He remembered how, when he was younger and played with dolls, he’d try to make them speak to each other. He didn’t know what, but he’d make them say the first thing that came out of his mouth. It was always the same. 

Why were those words “I’m sorry”? 

Was that just his default?

He was furious. 

Why was this done to him. Was it a joke? Some cosmic prank done by whoever the fuck was watching? 

Being an abuse victim felt like a constant loop of the five stages of grief, and it was awful. _It wasn’t abuse, right? I’m angry I was abused. Maybe if I look at it this way it’s not as bad as I thought? There’s nothing left for me, I was abused and I’ll never get better. I was abused._

He was so sick of it, and it hadn’t even been a month. How sick of it would he be by the time he was 20? _I’ll be dead by then._

He blinked his sore eyes, and shut the laptop. His body was now drippy and tired. He picked up the computer and stood up, turning off he tv and then stumbling into the bedroom. 

He saw Harrison asleep in the top bunk, and moved quietly yet clumsily. He set down his laptop near the foot of his bed and then laid down, tucking under the covers and laying on his stomach. He gripped at his pillow like he always does- and quickly noticed the Cas plush and the blue kitten plush. He picked them up and then held them under one of his arms, shutting his exhausted eyes and spiraling into sleep. 

  
  



	7. Helena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burning on  
> Just like the match, you strike to incinerate  
> The lives of everyone you know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's the holiday special! Surprisingly not TOO heavy of a chapter, but still got some stuff in it, so be careful!
> 
> Also- disclaimer! I'm not Jewish- but Harrison canonly is- and I wanted to represent that! I talked to a few of my Jewish pals about it, but I obviously could never be 100% accurate, so apologies for any weirdness with it!

“So you waited for the last minute to buy Hanukkah presents?” 

“Apparently. How many presents am I supposed to buy?” 

Jack and Harrison walked through the mall- Jack's hands tucked into his pockets as they strolled along the long halls, stores loudly proclaiming that they’re the best. Harrison chuckled at jacks response, shaking his head. 

“You know it’s already the first day, right?” 

“Yeah, your mom sat me down this morning to offer that I can sit out of the celebration, but I wanna contribute, so how many presents?” 

Harrison exhaled, looking at a store they passed by, and then back to Jack. 

“Uh, we open presents every day, smaller ones on the first like...four days, medium ones later on, and then on the eighth night we open a big present.” 

“Alright, so eight presents...cool, cool.” He looked to Harrison. “Doesn’t your mom like shit like soaps and candles?” 

Harrison laughed. 

“I mean I guess!” 

“Cool. Let’s go into Baths and Body Love.” 

The two boys looked ahead of them, seeing it was already coming up, anyways, and headed towards it. 

Jack felt like he was going to pass out from all the scents that smacked his face when he walked in, but he continued onward, striding over to the candle section. 

“What kinda scents does she like?” He asked, picking up a random candle and opening it. He gagged a bit at the Strong scent and put it back. Harrison laughed a bit. 

“Certainly not cucumber.” He snorted. He walked over to the colorful wall and picked one up. “I dunno what kinds she likes. I like the cinnamon one a lot, though. And the Apple- so get those.” 

“These aren’t for you!” Jack crowed, amused. 

“Yeah? She’s gonna use them and I’ll like the smell!” Harrison laughed. “If we don’t know what SHE likes at least get a scent SOMEONE HERE will like!” 

“Fine!” Jack chuckled, picking them up- holding one with his good hand and tucking it under the armpit of the same arm. He attempted to reach for a blueberry one with his broken arm- but gripped it wrong- it wobbling on the shelf and nearly falling before Harrison can catch it. 

“Get a basket, doofus!” Harrison cackled, holding the candle. Jack looked at the two his was holding. 

“Okay, perhaps you have a point.” 

…

Jack ended up buying Mrs. Morris two soaps, two bath bombs, three candles, and a back-massaging pillow. Harrison’s eyebrows went up when Jack took out his own wallet at the counter. 

“You’re gonna pay for that _yourself?”_

“Yeah?” Jack tilted his head. “...Harrison you realize that, if someone gets a life sentence they get their will released, right?” 

Harrison blinked. 

“Dude. I’ve been getting like...a shit ton of my father's money.” 

“HOLY SHIT!” Harrison exclaimed. Jack laughed, sliding his debit card over to the cashier. 

“Yeah, it’s...weird, and I obviously don’t have all of it yet, the case of his tax evasion is taking awhile, but I got quite a lot of it right now.” Jack rambled, teaching his hands out as the cashier handed back his debit card. “Thank you ma’am…!” 

…

They walked through the mall, Jack looking around. He perked up as he noticed Hot Topic. 

“Here, I wanna go into this one too.” He nudged Harrison. He had already gone into a clothing store for his friend, telling him to stay outside it so he could shop for him. Harrison laughed and rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, just don’t get lost again.” 

“I won’t! Stay here.” Jack walked away from Harrison, stepping into the black colored store. He smiled a bit as he heard punk music playing- a Set It Off song- he almost started humming but decided against it. 

He looked around, and quickly picked up some make-up, a P!ATD shirt, a Green Day shirt, some guitar picks, some cologne, some pins, and a rather expensive figurine. He had to swallow the urge to hum again when Helena by My Chemical Romance came on. He began to walk to the cashier, but saw the pins on the way, and walked over. 

_I can get stuff for myself too, right?_ He blinked at a blue he/him pronoun pin, and picked it up, running his thumb over it. _Might as well?_

He quickly gasped as he felt someone tug at his shoulder. 

“Aren’t you the governors kid?” Asked a rather nasally teenager- around sophomore year, probably. He adjusted his hat. “Isn’t your name J-“ 

“There’s no need for that-“ Jack quickly interrupted before he could hear his deadname. The teenager snorted, glaring. 

“Damn, bitch, I’m trying to be _nice_ and you’re out here interrupting me? What’s wrong with you?” 

“I just don’t…” 

“Think you’re better than everyone else? We don't have to _pity_ you, ya know!” 

“I’m-“ 

“Leave the kid alone.” 

A rather masculine voice came behind Jack that made him jolt- turning around and staring with wide eyes. 

He was tall- _very_ tall, with hazel eyes and piercings striking his appearance. He had black hair- his head shaved except for the bangs that fell over his face. He had a black leather jacket equipped over his torn clothes, pins of various punk bands decorating it. His expression was terrifying. Jack practically recoiled at the sight. 

“I’m sorry-“ 

“I’m talking to the incel.” The punk boy snarled, stepping forward. He looked to the pins in Jack’s hands for a second, and then looked back to the kid. “No one cares that your cock is small, dipshit. Either break your neck trying to suck it yourself or drink bleach. Just don’t drag other kids into it.” He gestured to Jack. “Can’t you see he’s minding his own damn business?” 

“Y-you disgusting brute!” The kid staggered, curling his lips in disgust. “I don’t understand why sluts like trash like YOU.” 

“Yeah? This trash is going to pop that zit of an Adam’s apple you got there if you don’t step off. No joke, kid, I have a criminal record and I’m not afraid to add you to it.” 

“J-Jeez-!” The kid stepped back, glaring. “G-get lost, freak!” 

With that, the grimy teenager stormed out of the store, and Jack looked to the punk dude, eyes wide. 

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed. 

“It’s Joey, actually. You were close, though, same letter.” The guy laughed, putting out his hand. “Joey Absdart. What about you?” 

Jack stared at the hand, blinking, and shakily shook it with his good arm. 

“Jack…” 

“Sick name, dude! I like it.” 

“Thanks- uh- I picked it myself-“ Jack blurted, and grimaced internally. _That was fucking stupid._

But then Joey let out a loud laugh, nodding. 

“Nice one, man. What finds you in the humble abode known as Thy Hottest Topic?” 

Jack lit up, smiling a bit. 

“Ah, well, I needed to buy presents for my friend- uh, I’ve been staying at his house and...they’re Jewish, so I needed to get a buncha gifts, Yknow?” He looked at the pins in his hand. “I also thought this pin was cool…” he said more quietly. 

“Nothing wrong with a bit of self care, amirite?” Joey replied, pointing at him and smirking. “I was just tryin to buy some new gages- something that’ll piss off my parents when I visit for Christmas.” 

“Oh- well I Uh...saw some gages with middle fingers on them back there-“ Jack gestured with his good hand, to which Joey grinned and patted his back. 

“Hey, thanks!” He chirped. He looked at Jack. “Can I sign your cast?” 

“Oh-! Uh, sure-!” Jack blurted, offering his arm. 

Joey reached into his pocket, flipping out a black, permanent marker, and began writing in a blank spot. Jack couldn’t see what he was writing- even if he could, he was staring at the ground to avoid eye contact. The silence scared him. 

“Aaaand there!” Joey drew the last detail, and recapped the pen, shoving it into his pocket. He saluted, smirking. “Happy shopping, good sir.” 

“Oh- uh- you too-“ Jack replied, watching as Joey walked off into the back of the store. 

He bit his lip a bit, butterflies in his chest over a human interaction. He exhaled, and walked over to the cash register. 

…

“Okay! I’m all bought-out!” Jack announced, walking up to Harrison, who laughed seeing the bags. 

“Alright, don’t break your arm any further, gimme those.” 

“I’m tough, and you’re not allowed to look!” Jack replied. Harrison laughed, taking the bags anyways. 

“I won’t, dude. I promise.” He stated. Jack retreated, pulling his hands back after Harrison took the bags. The blond friend perked up, eyebrows furrowing. “Did you get your cast signed?” 

“Oh! Yeah- uh- I met this nice punk dude inside the store. He uh...defended me against some teen that was picking on me.” Jack pointed back with his thumb, shrugging. “Very intimidating- it was funny. His names Joey!” 

“Huh,” Harrison blinked. He chuckled a bit. “Joey must really like you, then.” 

“Uh- I guess? He seemed cool.” Jack furrowed his brows, tilting his head and smiling curiously. Harrison smirked. 

“You realize he wrote his number on your cast, right?” 

_“WHAT!?”_ Jack immediately jumped, looking at his cast with wide eyes. Sure enough, in messy, inky handwriting was a phone number. He felt his face heat up. “Is that why it took him so long to write it?!” 

“I assume so!” Harrison laughed. “C’mon, we’ll worry about it later. Mia’s making Latkes tonight and I want to get these bagged up before they go cold.” 

…

“Oh, lavender soap!” Ms. Morris chirped with excitement, unraveling the shotty wrapping paper around Jack’s present. “How lovely! This is so thoughtful, sweetheart!” She laughed. “How’d you know I liked lavender?” 

“Um…” Jack blinked. “...I smelled it, and thought it was nice.” 

“Well- that's always a good way to do it!” The woman laughed, smiling. She then whipped around at the sound of Harrison strumming his electric guitar.

“Oh por amor de Dios, Harrison would you stop that!” 

“I wanna play with my new picks!” The boy shrugged in an exasperated manner, looking at his mother with wide eyes. 

“It isn’t even plugged in! Now put that down, you need to open your gift from me!” Ms. Morris laughed despite scolding her son, obviously not at all upset with his excitement. Jack smiled a bit, their conversation going fuzzy in his ears as he looked at the number on his cast. 

He couldn’t help but feel...awkward about it. He wasn’t uncomfortable- was he? No- most people aren’t in these situations.

_Maybe I’m just not used to affection._

He couldn’t help but to feel his heart sink at that thought. His expectations had been damaged over the years- it was yet another way in which he was broken. He just...wasn’t able to feel affection correctly. 

_What if it’s permanent?_ He could feel his mind screaming at him. _Does that mean I have to isolate myself? I’ve grown so used to feeling this way that normal human interaction feels uncomfortable. Just the other day Harrison made me waffles and I felt like I wanted to hide- butterflies of excitement feel like they’re heavy and rotten in my lungs instead. My brain is broken- I want to love people so much but I literally can barely bring myself to._

He watched as Harrison and his mother had a normal conversation- a normal gift exchange normal excitement for each other. No guilt over receiving presents or discomfort over compliments. Nothing. 

He felt himself wanting to shrivel up and die. _But that’s just it,_ he blinked at them. _Once you get abused, once your innocence is broken, nothing can be normal anymore. You’re not normal, you’re a shattered, dangerous toy._

“Jack, did you hear me?” 

Jack perked up when he finally heard Harrison speaking to him, looking over. His friend had a soft, patient smile on his face. 

“Wanna try a Latke with sugar and whipped cream? They’re a good dinner food with salt and all that, but they work just as fine as dessert!” 

Jack blinked, and then smiled softly, nodding. 

“Sure!” 

…

After Harrison wrote down the number Joey put on the blind spot of Jack’s cast, the freckled boy shakily dialed it into his phone. Too afraid to call, he texted. 

  
  


ME: Hey! Is this Joey from Hot Topic? 

JOEY: Perhaps it is he, why? Perhaps you’d like me to come to your rescue again~? 

ME: Pfft, sorry!! I thought that because you left your number on my cast, you’d wanna text! 

JOEY: Haha don’t worry dude, I’m messing with you, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Yeah I wanted to chat and stuff! 

ME: Oh, okay! Good! 

ME: Not like “good” as in “YOU BETTER” lol 

ME: I mean like… “good” as in “oh hell yeah!” Y’know! 

JOEY: No need to have a breakdown in the text box, kid. You’re fine ;) 

ME: Okay!! Cool. :)

  
  


Jack spent a good while texting with Joey, eventually exchanging Skypes with him(easier form of contact), and texting more there- it was surprisingly easy to talk to him. He was nonchalant- of course Jack felt an overwhelming amount of anxiety texting the whole time, but he was having fun. 

He laid back in his bed- staring at the top bunk as he could faintly hear Helena still loop in his mind- stuck in his head as he texted Joey.


	8. What If I Told You That The World Was Gonna End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if all the stars came crushing to the ground  
> and explosions and fires started happening all around  
> would you believe me and come home and sit back let it be  
> I can't do this by myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Year's chapter!! Warning for underaged drinking, I guess!(They're all adults, though!)

He was clenching his jaw so hard he thought he was gonna vomit. 

Jack sat on the couch, sipping at warm hot cocoa and looking at the tv- some crappy cartoon episode about New Years playing, cheesy characters chattering about it in excitement as the colorful beings bounced around the screen. Nothing Jack didn’t enjoy- though he was nervous. 

He hadn’t celebrated New Years since his mom was last alive…blurry mementoes of silver tin and sparkles and fireworks- firecrackers and those things you threw at the ground- his father was usually pretty nice on New Years, but things could go rough quickly if he and his mother didn’t shelter in the living room while the adult men drank and partied outside. It was alarming, and he flinched at most sounds, but he didn’t have any bad memories, per say... 

Though, after his mother died, New Years became less fun and more just...there. 

He knew it was dangerous to be around lots of drunk men, clambering around the house and shouting and lighting stuff. So, usually, he just...locked himself in his room. 

He couldn’t help but feel like he betrayed the world by doing that- he never celebrated her birthday, so maybe that’s why she treats him awfully. He failed her. 

“Pfft- the voice acting for that girl is awful-“ Harrison’s voice, as usual, managed to drag Jack out of the inky depths his mind was swirling to. The boy had a bag of chips he was munching on. “You think they hired the receptionist? ‘Hey, Kelen, we need a line for this background woman can you just record it quick?’ ‘Oh sure I already work minimum wage please pay me time and a half!’ ‘Nah we're just gonna give you a few cents extra!’ ‘Oh nooooooo!!’” 

Harrison’s mimicking of a girly voice and a douchey boss voice made Jack snort, shaking his head. 

“God, yeah. You bet she quit after?” 

“Yeah! She decided she found her true talent- voice acting~!” Harrison whispered dramatically, and then looked to Jack as he chuckled. He bit into another handful of chips. “Anyways, Yun’s on his way over- Evelyn is finishing up a shift at Spencer’s and she’s gonna pick up Ella after.” 

“No Pam?” Jack asked, reaching into Harrison’s chip bag. The blonde boy shook his head. 

“Nah- New Years is the time for dick jokes and stupid stuff. No dragging freshmen into that.” 

“That’s fair,” Jack crunched, shrugging. “Avery coming?” 

“Yeah! He just gets off his shift at Barnes and Noble at 9, so he’s gonna be late.” Harrison explained. “How much do you wanna bet he’s gonna purposely pass out on the couch to avoid partying?” 

“What kind of _partying_ do we even do, anyways?” Jack snorted, tilting his head. “Like- are we gonna party like they do in movies or whatever?” 

“Nah- just blast music, probably shuffle around like dorks and drink soda.” Harrison shrugged. “You good with that?” 

“Yeah! I’m fine.” Jack chuckled softly. 

“You know,” Harrison ate a chip casually, gazing to Jack. “You could always invite that Joey dude.” 

“Wh-!?” Jack nearly choked- eyes wide open as he stared at Harrison with shock. “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?” 

“You’ve been texting him all _week!”_ Harrison laughed. “Just put on some big boy jeans and tell him we’re hanging out here! I’m sure he’d like to see you in real life again.” 

“Stop that!” Jack spat, bristling. “We just like to text!” 

“And flirt excessively?” 

“Who says we’re flirting!?” Jack eyed his friend, who burst out laughing. “What’s so funny!?” 

“Dude, he’s totally flirting with you!” Harrison cackled. “He keeps calling you ‘his prince’ or ‘royal highness’ or ‘freckled diamond’ or whatever!” He crowed, looking at Jack. “He even calls you ‘gay kiddo’ like-! Nicknames- calling himself a knight, he even threatens to beat up anyone who breathes near you!” 

“THAT'S FLIRTING!?” 

“HE GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER!” 

“YEAH BUT-“ Jack looked to his cast, and back to Harrison. “Wh- what if it’s a prank or something?” 

“Please, Joey seems nothing like Dhillon. He wouldn’t keep it up for this long either way.” Harrison crossed his arms over the top of the couch, dropping the chip bag onto the cushion. “You’re so obviously obsessed over each other.” 

Jack felt his face heat up, a weird, butterfly feeling as he looked to the ground. He scrunched his face up and blinked, thinking, and sighed, relaxing his muscles for a second. 

“What...do I do?” 

“I don’t know- want to invite him over?” 

“I- um- I guess?” He blinked, looking at Harrison. His friend gave a bit of a sad smile. 

“Just wait a bit to see what you’re comfortable with.” He stated, walking around and sitting down next to Jack. “You shouldn’t be panicking on holidays.” 

He knew Harrison meant well- but instead of assuring him it’s okay to stay calm, it just made jack reinstate that he’s broken for not being able to. 

…

“I have arrived! Yes, bring out the party horns, the music, the man titties for me to sign, I know I know~!” 

Yunlian barged into the house, a giant grin on his face. The lanky, umber-skinned man had his hair put up in buns, and took off his jacket to reveal he was wearing a bright purple crop-top, white jeans with “CHOKING HAZARD” written on the crotch, and nine inch high heels. 

“You know you’re gonna regret those shoes, right?” Jack snorted. Yunlian put his hands on his hips, lifting his chin. 

“YA obidelas', kotenok!” He exclaimed. “I’ve danced in heels before! I am VERY good at it!” 

“Yeah you are.” Harrison didn’t look up from his phone- to which Yunlian clicked over and smacked it- making Harrison explode in laughter. 

“What are we doing today? I want to do _something_ for the end of the world!” 

“That’s just a myth, Yun.” Harrison snorted, eyes focusing on his boyfriend. “2012 isn’t gonna kill us.” 

“God I wish.” Jack stated in a flat, monotone voice. When Harrison and Yunlian looked over, he made the “Okay” sign with his broken hand. Harrison snorted and Yunlian sighed dramatically, flopping back on the couch and slamming his heels onto the coffee table. 

“I still wanna partyyyy! The sun is going down!” He whined dramatically. Jack blinked and gave a smirk. 

“Are you elevating your feet because they hurt?” 

_“YES!”_ Yunlian cried out, covering his face with his hands. Harrison began cackling. 

…

Not long past until Evelyn and Ella showed up, both dressed up in coordinated colors of red and blue. Already laughing with Yunlian about the heels, Harrison brought out a six pack of soda and looked to the group. 

“Soda?” Evelyn snorted, opening a can. “Really?” 

“If any of you know how to snag some alcohol, go ahead.” Harrison shrugged. “Either way, this is all we got.” 

“Damn.” Evelyn shrugged. “My ex used to have this way of getting some- too bad she was the _worst.”_

“God, yeah.” Harrison chuckled. “She sucked.” 

“The one with the nose piercing? Like- the one who got mad over nudes or something?” Yunlian perked up. Evelyn exhaled dramatically. 

“Yes! She was gross.” She growled. “I don’t wanna be getting in trouble for something proventable- not to mention if i'm gonna share anything with anyone I’m gonna do it in a way where I _can’t_ be blackmailed. Also I was like, 17 last year so ew.” 

“Gross.” Jack cracked open a soda and took a sip. “Good save, then.” 

“Anyways!” Ella clasped her hands together. “If we get alcohol somehow can we PLEASE go eat something beforehand?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Harrison shrugged. He looked at Jack. “You think Joey might know how to get some?” 

Jack began coughing on his drink, covering his mouth with his cast as he attempted to recover from the sudden mention of the punk boy. Evelyn lifted her eyebrows. 

“Who’s Joey?” 

“He mentioned him in the Skype group, remember?” Ella chirped up, looking to her sister and gently fidgeting with her hands. Evelyn shrugged. 

“Eh, I don’t pay attention to boys.” 

“Well, Jack is OBSESSED with him.” Yunlian purred into his soda, to which Jack felt his cheeks heat up, still trying to recover from choking on his soda. 

“I-I am _NOT!”_ He finally replied, looking like a strawberry. Harrison started laughing. 

“Look at your face!” 

“I was just choking!” 

“Because I mentioned the boy you’ve been talking to for a WEEK!” 

Jack looked down, face getting redder, somehow. He looked back up, taking out his phone and sighing. 

“Fine. I’ll see if he knows how.” He looked to the group. “This means you want me to invite him, right?” 

“Sure!” Yunlian shrugged, the twins nodding. Jack looked down to his phone, typing. 

  
  


**BruisedBrokenBoy:** Hey! Happy New Years!! My pals say I should invite you over! :) You wanna come over? 

  
  


He sent the message, and shoved the phone into the pocket of his hoodie, grabbing his soda from the table and sipping at it. 

“He online right now?” Harrison asked. 

“It says he’s on Idle right now.” Jack replied, shrugging. “He’s probably doing something.” 

“What’s his Skype?” Evelyn asked, lifting her brows. 

“PunKnight.” He said. “...or...Punk _Night_. There’s no capitalization- I can’t tell if it means like… a royal knight or a Sky night.” 

“Sounds like a play on words.” Harrison replied. 

“Maybe it’s Pun-Knight!” 

“Ew, I hate puns.” Jack stuck out his tongue. 

“But it’s still a play on words, isn’t it? It can be all three and make sense!” Yunlian smirked. Jack made a face of disgust. 

“Horrifying, I-“ _bzzt!_ “oh, he responded.” 

Jack clicked on the phone, scanning the reply with his blue eyes. 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Yeah, im down! I’m at a party tho, so I’ll have to come over at like...11. You guys want me to bring drinks? 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** Haha, I was actually gonna ask if you knew how to get them. 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Cool! I’ll be there, then B) 

Jack clicked off his phone, looking to his friends. 

“He said he can show up late with drinks.” 

“Sick!” Harrison grinned. 

…

After an hour of dancing(or...awkwardly shuffling around) to music they had all requested and put onto a queue, then laying on the couch like garbage, Avery showed up. 

“THERE'S the party animal!” Harrison cheered. Avery, who was taking off his coat, shot a glare towards him. Jack started laughing. 

“You missed the mosh pit!” 

“What, with all five of you? Yeah wow, surely missed a lot.” Avery rolled his differently colored eyes, walking over and sitting down. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt with some sort of science joke on it. “I’m good.” 

Avery sat down next to Jack on the couch, exhaling. 

“How was work?” Ella asked, smiling. Avery ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Awful.” He growled. “Parents coming in to return books they bought for their kid for Christmas, complaining about how it was _too adult_ or something. Not to mention there’s still obnoxious twilight fans and- ughh.” He shook his head. “Whatever. What’re we doing?” 

“Partying,” 

“Chilling.” 

“Just hanging out.”

“Nothing really!” 

“Dying.” 

Avery squinted at the group. 

“Wow, festive.” 

…

“Never have I ever...had sex after prom.” 

“Oh you mother FUCKER-“ 

Harrison punched the ground with one of his closed fists, putting a finger down on his other. Yunlian mimicked the movement, causing Evelyn to laugh. 

“Look man! That’s a you problem!” 

“You’re just jealous!” Harrison stuck his tongue out, and Evelyn laughed more. Avery exhaled, still sitting there with seven fingers up- Jack with eight. 

“Your turn, Jack!” Ella chuckled softly, smiling. Jack perked up a bit. 

“Umm…” he blinked. “Never have I ever...romantically kissed someone.” 

“OH COME ON YOU JERK!” Evelyn spat, Harrison laughing as he, too, put down another finger. “That’s not fair!” 

“This is the only way I can have fun as a loser!” Jack exclaimed, grinning like an idiot. Even Avery had put a finger down, silently. 

He smiled, rocking a bit in place as he listened to his friends continue on- he couldn’t help but feel a bit bad...he’s never kissed someone, right? 

It felt like a lie. 

“Never have I ever…” Yunlian began, however there was a knock at the door. 

“Oh! Maybe that’s him!” Harrison perked up. Jack felt his heart flutter. _But it’s only 10:30!_

Harrison got up, walking over to the door. Scrambling after him into the other room, Jack followed, heart pounding. 

He pulled open the door, and there stood the tall, punk guy Jack had met a week ago. 

“Hey!” Joey greeted, stretching open his arms in triumph. In a hand he held a bottle of vodka. “The party has arrived!” 

“Hi, Joey!” Jack greeted, forcing on a large smile. Harrison blinked- a bit surprised at the appearance, but he nodded and motioned for him to come in. 

“So _you’re_ the punk guy!” He laughed. “Welcome in! We’re playing never have I ever- it’s already obvious Jack won, though.” 

“Ah! Yeah, I always lose that game!” Joey laughed, looking to Jack. “Smart player.” 

“No, just inexperienced-“ Jack choked out. _Oh my god that was stupid._

The three of them walked into the living room again, Joey smirking and putting his hands on his hips. 

“So this is Jack’s squad?” He laughed. “The names Joey, nice to meet ya!” 

He reached to shake hands with Evelyn, who just glared. Ella quickly grabbed the hand and shook it, smiling. 

“Nice to meet you! I’m Ella, this is my sister, Evelyn.” 

“Aight-“ Joey blinked, smiling awkwardly. He looked to the rest of the group, and Jack scrambled to introduce them. 

“Oh! That’s Harrison and Yunlian- uh- and that right there is Avery!” He blurted to the tall man, following him as he set the bottle on the table. Joey turned around and smirked, putting his hands in his pocket. 

“Nice to meet you all!” He grinned, lazily saluting. “We got any shit to mix this with?” 

“Uh- Soda-“ Jack choked. He looked at Harrison to double check that alcohol can be mixed with soda, to which the large boy chuckled a bit and nodded. “Yup- we have soda.” 

“Sick.” Joey nodded, walking over to the fridge and taking out a few. Jack, not wanting to seem like a bad host, despite still feeling like a guest, scrambled over as well and started to grab red solo cups. 

…

Not long went by until everyone had cups in their hands, blasting music and just talking. Joey had gone on a long tangent about this idiot girl at the party he was at, who broke a bottle from dancing like a dipshit. After Evelyn sprung into a rant about what she did the other day with Ella, Joey nudged Jack a bit, not paying mind when he flinched. 

“It’s almost midnight,” he stated after making sure his eyes were locked with Jack’s. 

“Yeah,” Jack breathed. Joey smirked. 

“You haven’t gotten a drink yet,” 

“I keep getting distracted.” 

“C’mon, I’ll get you one.” 

Joey grabbed Jack by his good arm, and Jack felt himself heat up as he was dragged into the kitchen. Joey sloppily poured some alcohol into the cup, and poured over the rest of it with some cheap soda. He handed it to Jack and beckoned him to follow him. 

Jack felt bits of ice touch against the sides of the cups as he walked with Joey, the scent of alcohol looming near his nose. Joey led the boy outside- where frost began to nip at their noses and breath dripped into the sky. 

“Try it,” he grinned. Jack looked at the drink. He didn’t drink often- but it most certainly wasn’t his first. He took a sip, and made a bit of a face while his tongue processed the strong taste of alcohol. He laughed a bit, steam pouring out his nose as Joey smirked. 

“Not much of a drinker, eh?” He asked. When Jack shook his head, he pat his back. “We’ll fix that.” 

From the clouds, stars softly stared at them, blinking like eyes in the night. It almost felt overwhelming, but Joey eventually broke the silence. 

“The apocalypse is coming.” He rasped. Jack let out a snort and nudged him, mimicking the guys need for human touch. It felt like he had on a mask 

“Stupid,” he snorted. Joey perked up, grinning. 

“Come on!” Joey cried. “It’s 2012!” 

“Yeah!” 

“What’s your New Year's resolution, Jack.” He looked towards him, eyes lit up. “Mines to die on the day of reckoning!” 

“Shut up!” Jack crowed, a grin tugging at his lips. “I’ve never even thought that far.” 

A bit of silence drifted between them, Jack realizing the weight of his reply. 

“Yeah,” Joey put his hand in his jacket as he sipped from his drink. “I get that.” He exhaled after taking a swig, swishing the cup around. 

Joey bit his lip a bit, silence flowing through the air. Finally, he exhaled. 

“I never even graduated high school, I dropped out as a junior.” He continued, shrugging. “My parents are constantly on my back, and I can barely hold more than one job- not to mention my roommate is some idiot blackout drunk.” 

“That sounds rough,” Jack blinked, looking at him. Joey gave a sad smile. 

“Eh, i'm coping.” He shrugged. He lifted his drink to his mouth. “B’sides, it must not compare to what you’re going through right now.”

Jack felt a bit of the warmth the alcohol gave him harden, stiffening as Joey looked to him. 

“After all, you _are_ the governor's daughter.” 

Jack felt the ice drop into his stomach, biting his lip awkwardly as he looked to the ground. 

“Um…” he worked up courage. “s-son…” 

“Yeah, yeah! That’s what I meant!” Joey laughed, as if it were nothing. “I’m just repeating the title, is all.” 

“Oh,” Jack looked down. _I’d rather not be reminded of my title,._

Suddenly, however, he felt Joey grab his hand- the one in a cast. He looked at Jack, smiling. Jack felt the ice start to break. 

“You’re broken,” Joey began, hazel eyes staring into pale blue pools. “You’re broken, and so am I, Jack.” 

Jack felt his heart pound, Joey throwing his empty cup and using his other hand to hold onto Jack’s.

“We can be broken together- puzzle pieces only fit after being shattered.” His eyes gleamed. “I...you’re different, Jack. You’re different because you think carefully about everything you say, you try to stand up without causing conflict- you’re scared, and I’m not. I can protect you.” 

Jack felt his face heat up more and more, his heart pounding as his tongue tied- lost for words. 

“I promise.” 

Jack blinked, looking around as if he were looking for words. What did he want him to say? What was it? 

He could hear the song from inside the house blasting about the end of the world coming, the need to spend it with a loved one but the isolation of them having over people. He didn’t want to end up like that. 

Suddenly, the fireworks that had been popping in the background sped up- distant cheers and cries. It was 12 A.M., and Joey was still staring at him. 

He leaned forward- and suddenly, he had locked lips with Joey. 

Weird warmth spread from his face to his body, his jaw unclenching, and he put a finger down.


	9. Boys Will Be Bugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary  
> I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate  
> Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry  
> Ain't that how its s'posed to be? Though it isn't me  
> Boys will be bugs, right?
> 
> -
> 
> Jack does something he regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Heres another update- I spent a few months occasionally revisiting this because I was kinda stuck where I was- before I knew it though I had 4k words to this chapter and realized I should split up the other half I had planned into another chapter. 
> 
> I think the funniest part about this chapter is I planned it out before I got into Ace Attorney- but you can tell that once I got to a certain scene I had absolutely used its influence. Anyways, please enjoy this chapter!

“Don’t expect me to grant you all pity just because you’re all partied out after break. You’re still children, therefore you still must obey the school system.” 

Jack flinched as he watched his math teacher, Mr. Kraft, smack a ruler on the whiteboard as if it were still the 1900s. 

_ Why is he so serious about this, anyway?  _ Jack recoiled internally.  _ This is applied math, and the lowest you can get. Half the kids here have been arrested before and just about all of them smoke and cheat. There are dicks on the wall but he still acts like the king of teaching.  _ He rolled his eyes from the back of the class, starting to jot down notes from the board about loans and all that.  _ Honestly, none of this makes me excited to be an adult.  _

It hadn’t been more than maybe 4 days after the kiss with Joey- but Jack hadn’t stopped thinking about it. Throughout Debate, he had trouble focusing due to a weird pit of either excitement or uncertainty. He had been texting Joey since then but hadn’t seen him in person. 

_ This feels weird.  _ He thought.  _ I think I’m supposed to feel weird.  _

He felt his phone buzz and took it out of his hoodie’s pocket- hiding it under his desk. 

  
  


**PUNKNIGHT:** Just got out of work wyd 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** I’m in class v-v

**PUNKNIGHT:** Laaaame! What class? 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** Math :\

**PUNKNIGHT:** Yuck. Wanna skip class? I can drive you somewhere. 

  
  


Jack blinked at the message. Skip class? 

All his instincts immediately started screaming danger. 

  
  


**BruisedBrokenBoy:** What?? No! 

**PUNKNIGHT:** What’re you, a pussy? You’ve skipped class before, haven’t you? 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** No, I don’t want to get in trouble. 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Cmon, it doesn’t even matter. You probably won’t get caught unless you’re one of those honors roll cucks. 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** but I still have anatomy and English. :( 

**PUNKNIGHT:** What, learning the names of bone and stupidly long words? 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** I really like anatomy actually!! It’s really fun! We already learned quite a lot about bones- we’re planning on dissecting a heart after we finish learning about it! 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Dude thats Metal as fuck 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** Yeah it’s really cool! 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Can I have the remains after you finish dissecting it 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** I don't think my professor will let me do that :( 

**PUNKNIGHT:** you sure? Because I really want your heart. 

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** ...•////•

**PUNKNIGHT:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  


Jack grinned at his phone, giggling to himself while the bell rang. Getting up, he shoved his notebooks into his backpack and swung it over his shoulder with his good arm, then ducked out of the classroom. 

  
  


**BruisedBrokenBoy:** AUGH I have to go to Anatomy!! 

**PUNKNIGHT:** Tell me if you see any gore. xp

**BruisedBrokenBoy:** Okay! :p 

  
  


Jack chuckled, shoving his phone in his pocket. He smiled softly, clutching onto the straps of his backpack as he walked through the halls. 

He perked up, noticing a girl- Amina Begum- waving at him. A little startled, he smiled very nervously and waved back- confused by the subtle human interaction as she smiled and continued to walk and talk with her friend. He always liked that pink hijab of hers- it was very pretty-

CRASH. 

Jack found himself turning the corner and crashing into someone else- the second human rounding the corner in a brisk and narrow manner. With a yelp, Jack stumbled and fell back, arms flailing out as he stumbled onto his backpack. Quickly checking his phone- he noticed it, luckily, hadn’t cracked.  _ I should put a case on this…  _

He grunted a bit- still healing rib cage burning as he sat up to look at the other person. 

Dhillon stood there, narrowing his eyes, and curling his lips in disgust. He panned down to notice that the other high schoolers' phone was on the ground. 

Fear flooded Jacks organs as he noticed one of his bullies as the person he just crashed into- wanting to sink into the ground, but he instead stood up, picking up his backpack and staring at the man in alarm. 

“Sorry!” He cried out, clutching the straps of his backpack to his chest nervously. Dhillon glared at him, kneeling down to pick his phone off the ground. As he did, his face twisted into anger. 

“You shattered my screen, asshole!” He spat, expression going red as he grit his teeth and shoved the now broken phone into the other man's face. Jack flinched back, trembling as he stared in utter alarm. 

“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed, taking a step back. “I really,  _ really didn’t  _ mean to I- I’m sorry-“ 

Kids had started to gather around the two boys, eyebrows turned upwards as they watched with interest- as if this were prime entertainment. He started to feel their eyes burn into his skin. 

“Why not just watch where you’re going! You’re not special just because you’re always fucking crippled!” Dhillon got closer again, Jack feeling his shoulders tense even more upward.

Dhillon suddenly lurched forward again- Jack immediately slamming himself against the wall with wide, horrified eyes, flinching violently. His head nestled into his own shoulder as he protected his neck from being grabbed, shutting his eyes for a good second or two before opening them slightly. 

Dhillon’s expression was lit up- amusement coursing through his facial features as his eyes absorbed the power trip he was given from the sight. 

Jack was sure he was going to attack at any second. 

“What a fucking pussy!” Dhillon suddenly screeched, cackling at the top of his lungs as he took a few steps back. Laughter from other teenage boys ensued, and Jack felt like his lungs were rotting. 

“What’s the matter? I thought you wanted to be a MAN?” The redhead sneered, walking closer again. “Afraid because I went near you? Fucking snowflake!” He grabbed at Jack's hair, tugging it for a second as he stepped back and let go. Jack found himself hyperventilating, adrenaline starting to course through his veins. “You can’t just go breaking a man’s phone and expect not to get hit!” 

“I didn’t mean to-“ Jack barely wheezed out, feeling his eyes start to water.  _ Not now not now not now not now.  _ “I-i can pay for it-“ 

The crowd exploded into laughter, Dhillon walking forward again. 

“Rich boy? You a fucking rich boy?” He sneered, putting his hand against the wall. “Using your daddy’s money? Even after that dramatic fucking show about him being abusive? Hm?” He shoved Jacks shoulder, grinning. “You still love your daddy’s money, you fuckin snowflake. You just wanna be special.” 

His heart was pounding. Jack was cornered and didn’t know what to do. He had no clue what to do. 

“I bet you miss your daddy, huh?” Dhillon laughed. “You’re too quiet to not. You fucking love him.” 

“Stop-“ Jack finally choked out. Dhillon laughed, fake “oooh” ing as kids around him did the same. 

“Uh oh! He told me to stop!” He laughed. He got close to Jack’s face. 

“What’re you gonna do if I don’t, Daddy Lover?” 

_ WHAM _ . 

Jack panted as he stared at Dhillon stepping back a few times- fingers lingering over the place on his cheek where Jack's fist collided. 

The teenager glared at Jack with shocked, green eyes that started to narrow. Jack felt his adrenaline quickly transfer into guilt as Dhillon started to walk back over. 

“BITCH!” He yowled, slamming a hooked fist directly into Jack's temple, and then kicking his knees. Jack gasped as pain exploded in those areas, but with what little fight or flight he had left, he raised his other knee directly into Dhillons crotch. 

The redhead made what sounded like a gag noise as he fell onto the ground, curling into a ball and squeaking in agony. 

For a second, Jack felt a spark of satisfaction, but it quickly crumbled as he heard footsteps pounding from the hallway- a teacher quickly arriving. 

“What the hell is going on here!?” Mrs. Goldstein’s voice carried through the hallways. In her hands she held a large stack of paper.  _ She must’ve been using the copier.  _

At the sight of the debate teacher, the crowd of students began to bolt off- not wanting any part in this. The bell could be heard, indicating the next period starting, and Mrs. Goldstein let out a huff, leaning her head back and then looking to the two students left- one on the ground, and one starting to tear up. 

“Well, this’ll be a fun usage of my free period.” 

…

Jack sat against the wall, crossing his arms and keeping his knees close as he looked at the ground, sniffing. He had been trying very hard this entire time not to cry, and his head pounded in pain because of it. 

He was sitting outside of Mrs. Goldstein's classroom, waiting for Dhillon to finish telling her what happened. Paranoia stormed through his brain. 

_ What if he says I started it? What if she believes everything he says?  _ He scraped his nails against his arms cast unconsciously.  _ Did I start it? What if I did more damage so I’m more in trouble? Will I get detention? What if I get suspended? Expelled? Will Ms. Morris kick me out? What if she hurts me because of it? What if I have to be homeless? What if my friends never take my side? What if-  _

“Jack?” 

He perked up, seeing Mrs. Goldstein peek her head out of her door. Dhillon peeked out as well, glaring as he stepped out of the room. Jack nervously swallowed, standing up with his backpack and holding it close as he walked in through the door, being far away as he could from Dhillon. 

The door clicked behind him as he saw Mrs. Goldstein make her way over to her desk- sitting down. She gestured with her hand to the seat on the other side, Jack blinking and then nervously walking over. 

He sat down, clearing his throat a bit as he scooted forward. 

“Your eye is all red and swelling a bit- did he hit you?” Mrs. Goldstein tilted her head. When Jack nodded, she sighed. 

“Would you like to explain?” The debate teacher asked. Jack looked down. 

“Is this a trick?” 

“Trick?” She furrowed her brows. “Jack, I want to hear your side of the story.”

“I’m sorry,” 

“It’s fine. Please, just say your side, okay?” 

Jack felt his heart twist a bit.  _ I’m missing anatomy right now...I screwed up so bad.  _

“Um…” he fidgeted with his own hands a bit and started to unconsciously scrape at his cast again. “W-well, I...I don’t really know, I was just...trying to turn around a corner and um...Dhillon was there…” 

“Yes?” The teacher encouraged. Jack exhaled, wiggling a bit in his seat before sitting upright again. 

“Uh...I fell down...and um...apparently knocked his phone out of his hand? I...I really didn’t mean to-“ he felt anxiety start to bubble up as he began to speak a bit louder. “Really I didn’t- I- I offered to pay for it but- but he was so mad and- and he kept cornering me and making me panic and saying really really bad things and I-“ 

“So he baited you into hitting him?” Mrs. Goldstein finished. Jack paused and then nodded hesitantly. 

“I guess so, yeah…” 

She exhaled, standing up and walking over to the door. 

Jack grimaced slightly as it creaked open, and Dhillon walked back in. The redhead glared at him, looking to Mrs. Goldstein as she strode back over to her desk and sat down, then gestured to a chair a bit far from her desk. 

Dhillon rolled his eyes, storming over and grabbed the chair, tugging it aggressively and slamming it down next to Jack. He sat down with a huff. 

“It seems we have conflicting stories,” She began. “Dhillon, Jack says he didn’t see you when he crashed into you, and even tried to apologize for your phone.” 

“He’s trying to put on that stupid innocence schtick!” Dhillon gestured with his hands, lips curled in disgust. “He wanted to screw me over!” 

Jack sat there, gut ice cold and face burning hot as he trembled in panic. He wanted to sink into the floor and stop existing. Mrs. Goldstein sat back, exhaling. 

“Well- there were witnesses, weren’t there?” 

“Y-Yes, there were,” Jack replied very softly.  _ Great, now a bunch of idiots are gonna stick up for him.  _

“Let’s call some over. Each of you gets to pick one witness you remember, okay?” 

“Easy.” Dhillon sat back. “Dennis Roberts was there.” 

_ No he wasn’t!  _ Jack narrowed his eyes.  _ Was he? I didn’t see him!  _

“Jack?” Mrs. Goldstein’s voice interrupted his alarm. “Do you have anyone?” 

“Um…” he looked at the carpet nervously, swinging one of his legs a bit. 

Who was there that he knew? Someone that was nice to him? Was there ANYONE? 

He perked up. 

“Oh, uh,” Jack began. “Amina Begum was there...I think. I saw her right before I crashed into him…” 

“Okay, I’ll call both of them up,” Mrs. Goldstein nodded. Jack felt more anxiety.  _ Would Amina be mad that I brought her into this?  _

Either way, Mrs. Goldstein had already begun to lean over to her classroom's landline and dialed room numbers into it. 

“Yes! Hello Mr. MacNamara, could I have Dennis Roberts come to room a109? Yes, thank you.” 

The same pattern followed for calling Amina, and the whole time while waiting, Dhillon stared at Jack, heavy eye contact burning into the side of his skull as he tried to ignore it. He felt like his skin would start bubbling from then tension- and he couldn’t help but feel like prey being stared at by a hungry predator. 

It didn’t take long for Amina to show up, the gal holding onto one of her backpack straps and looking at Mrs. Goldstein with anxiety. 

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” 

“Of course not, Amina.” Mrs Goldstein smiled at her. “It’s good to see you. You’re coming to the debate tournament, right?” 

“Of course!” 

“Good. You can take a seat at one of the desks while we wait for Dennis.” 

Amina’s expression seemed to grow a bit sick at the mention of Dennis.  _ Me too, dude.  _

It didn’t take long for said boy to walk through the door, wiping platinum blond hair out of his face as he smirked, seeing Dhillon. 

“Hello, Dennis.” The debate teacher greeted smoothly. “As I’m sure both of you know, there was a fight that broke out in the halls earlier.” Mrs. Goldstein began. “These two picked one witness for themselves so we can find the truth in this situation.”

Dennis looked to Dhillon, obviously stifling a chuckle as his gaze flickered towards Jack for a second.  _ He must’ve told him over text.  _

“Miss. Begum, seeing as you arrived first, it’s only fair you get to testify first. You may begin.”

Amina stood up, nodding as she smiled to Jack. She looked to Mrs. Goldstein and inhaled. 

“I had been walking to chemistry after finishing my test in Pre-Calc with a few of my friends. I saw Jack in the hallway as I walked, and decided to smile and wave at him.” 

“Is there a reason for that?” Mrs. Goldstein asked. “I’ve only seen you talk maybe once with him.” 

“He seems nice, and his expression was cheerier than normal, so I was hoping he was having a nice day.” Amina smiled, and Jack felt a bit of warmth in his chest. “Continuing on, I was walking to Chem when I heard pretty awful clattering. I, Of course, turned around to see Jack and Dhillon on the ground. Jack had begun to apologize about something, but Dhillon ended up cornering him into a wall. There were a few times where he had threatened Jack before Jack had swung at him. After that, I had gone to see if I could find a teacher.” 

“Could you explain what you mean by threatening, Amina?” 

“Yes, he had repeatedly lurched forward as if he were going to attack him- and eventually I think fight or flight kicked in.” She looked eagerly at Mrs. Goldstein. The debate teacher nodded. 

“Thank you, Miss. Begum.” She looked at Dennis.  _ He needs to get his roots touched up.  _ “Mr. Roberts, your testimony.” 

“Yeah,” Dennis stood up, sighing. “Basically, I was walking with Dhillon, right? And suddenly, this kid attacks him. Dhillon, Of course, defended himself, and, Y'know, it got broken up.”

Jack felt himself bristling.  _ I didn’t attack him!  _

“Could you describe ‘attacking,’ Mr. Roberts?” 

“He like, shoved him to the ground. It was totally weird and out of nowhere.” Dennis shrugged. 

“Who broke up the fight?” 

“The help Amina got.” 

Mrs. Goldstein glared suspiciously. 

“Allow me to cross-examine. Dennis, why were you walking with Dhillon?”

“I was on my way to class.” He stated. 

“On your way to...geometry? A class on the first floor?” 

Dennis started to look nervous. 

“I was coming from upstairs.” 

“Then you’d be heading in the opposite direction Dhillon was, then.” 

“W...well, I wanted to walk with him, I was gonna tell him about the new game I got.” 

“Yes, now, Dennis, tell me.” Mrs. Goldstein grew a smirk on her face. “How were you heading from upstairs, when my class, the one you just came from, is on the first floor?” 

Dennis stood still, and Dhillon looked down. 

“Were you skipping class, Dennis?” 

“N...no ma’am.” 

“Then, it seems,” She looked to Dhillon. “You were chosen as a fake witness.” 

Jack looked to Amina with anxious eyes, but she smiled as if she knew what would happen next. 

“It seems Dhillon’s story is untrue, then.” The debate teacher exhaled. “There are far too many holes, however Jack and Amina’s testimony remain solid.” 

Jack perked up. 

“Dhillon, I’m giving you a referral for your behavior today, antagonizing a fellow student and baiting him on. You will have detention for the rest of this week.” 

“This is bullshit!” Dhillon suddenly stood up, anger flaring in his eyes. Mrs. Goldstein glared. 

“Another day of detention, then?” 

Dhillon shut his mouth, jaw setting on edge. He glared at Jack, who stared at the ground. 

“Jack, you will have detention today as well.” The debate teachers claim wasn’t much of a surprise but still felt like a gut punch. “You  _ did  _ still assault another student, but you didn’t start it.”

He could feel a pang of satisfaction from Dhillon, but tried to ignore it. 

“Now, the next period is going to start, so you all may be excused.” 

With a wave of relief, the four students collected their things and stood up. The two troublesome boys already started to rush out, and Jack looked to Amina. 

“Um- hey- I-I’m sorry about...dragging you into this-“ 

The girl blinked and then smiled 

“It’s fine! I like debate stuff! I almost felt like I was in a courthouse!” She grinned. Jack chuckled softly with relief. 

As the girl left, he began to follow, but Mrs. Goldstein cleared her throat. 

“Jack, you can come here after class to fill out your detention.” 

“Don’t you have sophomores then?” Jack blinked, wondering if she forgot that he was a senior. 

“They’re working on projects in the library.” Mrs. Goldstein shrugged. “You’ll be fine here.” 

Jack nodded, heading towards the door

…

“You WHAT!?” 

“Shut up!” Jack hissed, leaning forward to cover Harrison’s mouth. Harrison, meanwhile, had a giant grin on his face, ecstatic. 

“Are you kidding me!? You PUNCHED Dhillon?!”

“It’s not a good thing!” Jack cried, looking around at his English class nervously. Luckily, everyone seemed to be talking and preoccupied with their work. “...I didn’t want to! He scared me!” 

“He deserves it!” Harrison laughed. 

“That’s not the point!” Jack’s eyes were wide as he looked at his friend. “I have detention now!” 

“Oh, good job! Baby's first detention.” 

“HARRISON.” 

Harrison just started laughing. Jack frowned, furrowing his brows as he watched his friend eventually stop giggling.

“It’s cool, I can wait for you. I’m sure Yunlian will stay behind, he'd like a ride home.” 

“Actually, I’m not sure that’s a good idea…” 

Harrison blinked to Jack, tilting his head. 

“...I-I don’t know- I just- I don’t want to hold anyone up and Joey- um-“ 

Harrison raised his brows. “You want Joey to pick you up.” 

“I-“

“No, no I see.” Harrison gave the smuggest of smirks. “You want to spend time with him, I get it.” 

“You make my life  _ so difficult,  _ Mr. Morris.” 

Harrison started laughing, and Jack rolled his eyes, blushing but grinning. 

…

Why, just  _ why  _ did detention have to be the most  _ boring  _ thing ever. 

Jack sat at his desk, bouncing his leg as he sat quietly, very obviously under-stimulated by the whole situation. Mrs. Goldstein sat at her desk near the back, grading papers as Jack occasionally flickered his gaze to her. 

After a while, Mrs. Goldstein sighed, putting a paper down and looking at Jack. 

“Jack, you know you can go to the counselors whenever you need, right?” 

Jack perked up, staring at her with horror. 

“Why would I need to do that?” He asked flatly, blinking at her. 

“Your entire situation, it’s…” She looked to her desk and then exhaled. “Look, Jack, I don’t know what your current home life is like- and I never knew what it used to be. All I know is it  _ has  _ to be rough.” She stated simply. “You’re a troubled teen and you’re in detention because of a fight. I want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine,” Jack replied, blinking. When he realized that was a generic response, he continued. “I’m living with Harrison and his mom right now. They take good care of me.” 

“Miss. Morris is a wonderful woman.” Mrs. Goldstein smiled, nodding softly. “And she raised a fine son...but I know how trauma works, and it doesn’t just go away like that.” 

“I’m okay,” Jack replied. He tapped his foot under his desk and ran his fingers through his hair. “I promise.” 

Mrs. Goldstein gave a doubtful expression, but didn’t push him any further. 

…

When Jack walked out into the parking lot, he was  _ not  _ expecting a pickup truck. 

“Hey, Princey-Boy!” Joey banged the side of the passenger door. “Hop in!!”

Jack scurried over, tugging at the handle of the old, black vehicle and opening it up- Joey quickly scooted back into the driver's seat and put it in gear as jack shut the door behind him, settling on the crusty, worn seat. 

“Hey,” Jack greeted, not meeting Joey's eyes. Joey, on the other hand, laughed a bit, and then perked up, noticing Jack’s eye. 

Tenderly, the slick-haired man cupped a few fingers under Jack's chin, tilting his face over to get a better look. 

“Who did  _ that?”  _

“Ah- just some jerk,” Jack replied. Joey blinked at him and seemed to light up. 

“Were you in detention?” 

Jack fidgeted with his hands as Joey began to press on the gas pedal, pulling through the parking lot. “...yeah.” 

Joey barked out a laugh, licking one of his lip rings as he sped out of the lot, engine rumbling. 

“You got in a fight? That’s hot.” 

“It wasn't really,” Jack replied, blinking. “I didn’t want to start anything- I don’t like hurting people.” 

“I’ll beat the shit out of him.” Joey's demeanor at this point read inconsistent, flopping back and forth from proud to angry.  _ “No one  _ touches you. You’re  _ mine.”  _

Those words hit a weird place in Jack’s gut that he couldn’t piece together. He had only kissed Joey once and barely understood his feelings for him. Were they really that far in the relationship? Had he not realized it? 

Jack hadn’t realized a beat of silence had passed before Joey spoke up again. 

“Want to go to my place?” 

Jack blinked at him, swollen eye burning. “Sure,” 

  
  



End file.
